Alter Everything

Day 115: Mind the Meat

 

I'll admit it; I've become a bit of a food snob.  I no longer just want organic, I now want to interview chickens, check out the "free range," and meet the people behind the magic (and I've been working hard to do it).

My search has led to a few places:  Eatwild.com--a directory of local, grass fed meats, eggs, and dairy; Homegrown--the closed food Co-op I visited yesterday; and Petty's Meat Market--known for their gourmet cuts of meat.  Today, it took me (or rather my husband took me) to a nearby farmer's market; one rumored to sell quality poultry, pork, and beef for a very reasonable price.

Past the dreamcatchers, just North of the Kettle Corn, I spot him--the legend--the guy that makes mealtimes happen. He looks more like a business man than a farmer, but hey what do farmers look like?  I watch from the side while six people wait anxiously for their turn.

"See these?  These are Jumbo eggs," he brags, pulling a carton from a cooler.
"Is the ham sliced?" a lady asks, pointing to an unmarked Ziplock bag.

The conditions don't look...well...sanitary, but I'm open. For a minute, my husband and I survey the options:  Slabs of bacon, small chickens for $5.00, pre-cut pork chops, sirloin steak. It looks like the kind of food you'd get from your Grandma's walk-in; poorly butchered, with fat stringing down the side. Still, people come and go, waving dollar bills, excitedly loading their purchases into plastic Dollar Store bags.

After several minutes of watching, we notice a few things: the red Cooler--the one that houses the eggs--stays open a lot; the meat case--though it's 70+ degrees outside--shows no condensation; another guy--across the way wrestling sweet potatoes--claims he has sliced turkey in his truck (what is this, meat on consignment???).

In the end, we leave empty handed.  Call me picky or poisoned by having a friend who's a health inspector, but I prefer my "fresh" meat the old-fashioned way: wrapped firmly, chilled excessively, handled safely, and with a label.

Altered Today: Embracing my snooty status.  Avoiding Meat Roulette and new health complications. Eliminating shopping options.

Day 93: You're Amazing

From time to time, we all need reminders of our greatness. 

Some, find it in sayings.

 

Some, find it in songs.

 

Others, find it videos.  Wait 'til the end. It's worth it.

 

Wherever you are, wherever you go, whatever you're dealing with, carry these words--in your heart and your head:

You are Smart.
You are Strong.
And You Are Loved...
More Than You'll Ever Know.

Happy Friday!

Altered Today: What I'm focusing on.

Day 91: Beating Boredom and Blues: A Primer for the Chronically Ill

My Favorite Four Days by Kathy Tagudin

Four days a month.  That's how often I feel "healthy."  Not symptom free, but vital--the kind of feeling you get when you've just recovered from the flu and want to leave the house. 

When this happens, I get dressed, go to movies, do art, work on my Etsy stuff, and question.  "Maybe I'm getting better," I'll say, sometimes out loud.  "Maybe I'm not really sick."

Those four days are magical.  I love them.  Although I wish they would multiply,  I'm not complaining. Many people never get a break from illness.  Still, it's not easy: being home, not fully functioning , and looking at a schedule filled with blood work, doctor's appointments, strange herbs, etc. Which leads me to the other days...

24-27  by Kathy Tagudin

The dreaded 24-27. 

Those days...are not as good.  Sometimes, they're filled with intense pain that require hot baths at 3:00am.  Other times, they're marred by insomnia and depression.  Mostly, they're just blah days filled with with randomness: weird aches, new rashes, hot/cold/tingling/stinging/burning sensations, stomach pain, strange food, fatigue, and this awful little annoying ache in my right-hand pointer finger.

To keep sane, I do a lot of things.  Which brings me to why I am writing...to discuss how I cope while I wait for a diagnosis.  Below is my list (it's not complete yet, but it's a start).  If you have anything to add, let me know.  As with everything, it's all a work in progress.

Beating Boredom and Blues: A Primer for the Newly Diagnosed or Chronically Ill

1.  Discover the Internets -- Need a break from researching symptoms or lurking on medical message boards?  The web's got tons of cool sites to keep your mind busy and your attention occupied. 

For fun, I like: Mr. Picasso Head, All About Pets, BeFunky, JibJab, Uncyclopedia, Games.com
For distraction, try:  Hulu,  TED, PostSecret, YouTube, Livemocha, Movieclips.com, The Onion

2.  Set Daily Goals -- Are you homebound? Do you work? Are you struggling just to get out of bed?  Whatever boat you're in, I have one suggestion: Accomplish one thing daily.  The goal doesn't need to be big.  Sometimes mine is as small as washing my hair or getting some sunshine.  Stretch yourself--don't push yourself.  Go on.  You can do it. It might not make you feel better, but it will make you feel more human.

3.  Be Your Own Best Friend -- I know. I get it. It sucks when people: say dumb things, don't understand, disappear, or genuinely disregard what you are dealing with when you are suffering with illness.  The truth?  They are not going to understand--at least not naturally.  So, your job is to: a) educate them b) move on or c) find people who will.  Period.  This means YOU (yes, sick you) are going to have to do some things you are not confortable with.  Things like:  Asking for support (have you told them what you need from them?); Reaching out to strangers (in waiting rooms, online, through friends of friends, through support groups); Demanding that you're heard (sometimes to very intimidating people in white coats who are much larger/stronger/smarter than you).  I know. It's not fair. I know.  You shouldn't have to do it.  Regardless, you need an advocate right now.  Can you think of anyone who's more qualified?  

4.  Get a Hobby -- What did you love to do as a child?  Bake? Sew? Knit? Paint?  If you're able, why not go back to it now?  If it's too hard, maybe there's something similar you can enjoy?  For example, I'm not always well enough to make art, but I can look through craft magazines and pull out projects I might like to do in the future.  Find ways to bring creativity back into your life.  Inspiration will follow.

5.  Share the Journey -- Call it therapy, call it writing, call it journaling, call it whatever you want.  There is something incredibly therapeutic about documenting your journey.  Websites like Blogger,  Wordpress, and LiveJournal are great ways to get your feet wet. For something more old school (or more private), consider a blank or handcrafted journal.

6.  Get a Sense of Humor -- I know. There's nothing funny about what you're going through. Still, if you look really, really hard...maybe there actually is.  For example: You know you're sick when you get a glass of water, consider putting ice in it, then decide it's too much effort (happened to me this morning).  Sad??  Yes.  Funny?  Yes, too.  If you can't find your sense of humor, borrow or steal one.  As they say, laughter really is the best medicine.

Altered Today: Writing for Others, Being Useful Instead of Mopey

Day 86: What's Your Plan B?

 

TODAY, I'm worried about money.

With that in mind:
a) I'd better get better...quick
b) My husband needs to find/create something that covers both of our incomes
c) Unless we win the lottery or some other miracle occurs, we're in trouble 

Although my worry meter hasn't shifted completely to high alert, I can see the writing on the wall.

Out of network doctors + $3,000 insurance deductible + hundreds/thousands in uncovered medicine/herbs/organic food
+ no work = bad news for our bank account and financial future.

Secretly, I weigh out the potential options:
-Get better or well enough to function
-Grin and bear it 
-Move in with my mom
-Sell the house
-Bankruptcy
-Take out a loan

Except for the first one, none of them sound good (sure hope this oil pulling thing's a winner...lol).
Regardless, I am now confronting, headfirst, one of my greatest fears--having to count on others.

Let me explain.

-In second grade, when I wanted extra money for pizza, I started a shell game with L'eggs' pantyhose containers and charged fellow students a quarter for the chance to win matchbox cars. 

-When I was 12, I kept a jar of peanut butter and a list of stores that offered free food samples under my bed... just in case I wanted to run away from home.

Does that tell you anything about my personality? 

I am resourceful.  I am a survivor.  I am an "8" (which in Enneagram speak means my Basic Desire is to protect myself, ie: be in control of my own life and destiny).

free enneagram test 

This doesn't mean I don't ask for support or request things from people.  But it's calculated.  It's risky. And I always have a back up plan in mind. 

As a healthy person, being self-reliant is good--sometimes even admired. 

As a sick person, being self-reliant is devasting--how can I possibly handle things when I feel so unpredictable?

As I continue along this journey, one thing I know for sure: It does no good to worry.  So, I plan for the worst, but hope for the best...secretly hoarding pistachios and Vitamin D in my pocket.

Altered Today: Being Open to Miracles that are not of my making

Day 85: Put A Bird On It

As an artist, I often struggle with how to "create" things.  What belongs there?  Does this go with that?  Is this the right direction?  Sometimes, the choices are so overwhelming, even I don't know where to start.

Well...thank God for Portlandia...a cute sketch comedy show with the solution to my creative worries. 

OMG.  Why didn't I think of that?  (Oh wait, maybe I have).

Altered CD Jacket Journal by Kathy Tagudin

OK, no problem.  At least my bird ideas are distinct amongst all of the other bird ideas.

 

Or....maybe not.

But at least I'm taking the time to be creative and put stuff out there.
This is true. This is arguably true.

So, if you've got something to express, but don't know where to begin...put a bird on it.  I DARE YOU!  If for no other reason than just because you can.

Flippin the Bird T-Shirt by chillin penguin designs

Altered Today: Giving a Flip, Flipping the Bird, More Silly Bird Artwork, Bird on a ?????, Daring YOU to create something.

Day 79: Something Old, Something New

Ok. I get it. You're tired of hearing about poop, pain, and doctors. Me too.  That's why today, instead of writing about it (or me, or you), I thought I'd show you some fun stuff that just tickles my fancy. 

Below are some fabulous finds on Etsy recycled from old ties, ratty t-shirts, retired luggage, and other found junk.  Aren't they neat??!?!?

Just goes to show...with enough love, patience, and creativity, anything can be beautiful. Happy Window Shopping!

Altered Today: It's not about me.

Day 68: Creative Word Therapy

Ok. Maybe I am behind the times, but have you seen this website that allows you to alter words into works of art? 

If not, it's called Wordle and it's just amazing.  In a nutshell, the program creates word clouds of from lists of words.  Below are two of my creations.  The first was created using a link to my blog feed. The second was created from the list I made in my previous post "20 Reasons You Might Want to Be Me."

 My Blog at a Glance, by Kathy Tagudin www.AlterEverything.com

  20 Reasons You Might Want to Be Me, by Kathy Tagudin www.AlterEverything.com

 

OMG: This is so addictive.  You could use it for goal setting, to celebrate someone special, to journal, virtually anything.  Make your own Worlde and send it on over.  Can't wait to see what you create.

Altered Today: Creativity, Playing with Thoughts, Perspective.

Day 66.1: Random Nice News

Saturday Mornings are great, aren't they? Especially when you wake up to good news and a nice bit of inspiration.  This Saturday morning was extra special as I received a nice mention from Dana over at Saturday Mornings Blogspot. 

After contacting me last week to talk about my blog, Dana took the time to  get to know me a bit. And then took the time to introduce me to her readers.

Dana's site features great crafts, awesome how-to projects, and cool giveaways.  She also offers tons of links to other creative folks (If you're crafty, you've got to visit Mod Podge Rocks.  You will not believe what that stuff is capable of).

Thanks for the mention, Dana.

Altered Today: Connecting with other bloggers.

Day 64: If I Were You

 

Did you ever read your old boyfriend's Facebook wall or browse through a friend's photo feed in the middle of the night? Call it nostalgia. Call it crazy.  But I shouldn't have done it.  Now I'm singing the happily never after, everyone's life is better than mine, 4:00am, bitter, resentful blues.

One ex is a model citizen who attends church regularly, helps the homeless, and takes care of his beautiful wife and 5 children.  Another old friend has a gorgeous house, has transformed into a supermodel, and is now pregnant with a baby.  Other exes (friends or otherwise) have exciting jobs, thousands of friends, or are saving the world.  Me?  I'm just trying to get three hours of shut-eye, find two matching socks, get my Facebook followers up to 20, and make it 'til February 14th...which is my next scheduled doctor's appointment.

Now, don't get me wrong.  I'm happy everyone is leading such a wonderful, super-terrific, amazingly powerful, creative, fulfilling life (insert little bits of sarcasm here).  Still, being honest, I can't help but wonder.  When will I be on top of the world again?

Seems like yesterday I would laugh when women I coached would say they were jealous of this or envious of that.  I can't remember what brilliant advice I gave.  I probably had them make them make a list of what they were thankful for or had them journal 20 reasons why they might be the object of someone's green-eyed affection.

So...in an effort to alter my crappy, non-productive, nasty, feeling sorry for myself, hate my life, negative-nelly frame of mind, I am taking my own counsel (When I am finished, I will let you know if I owe some people a refund).

20 REASONS YOU MIGHT WANT TO BE ME
by Kathy Tagudin

1) I have a very sweet, LOYAL husband who always supports me.  He would never lie to me or intentionally hurt me.  He even understands when I look up old boyfriends on Facebook ("Do you need to call them? he'll ask).

2) I have enough money in the bank that I can afford not to work and take care of my health.

3) Both of my parents are alive and kickin'. We have a great relationship and a lot of love.

4) I have a fantastic art studio that is a special space designated just for me.

5) I am not in Egypt.

6) I have plenty of food in the fridge and plenty of places to go if I run out.

7)

My dog, Betsy.  Need I say more?

8) I know at least five six people I can call right now if I need a ride to the airport or have an emergency (please don't make me name them).

9) I live in a country where I can worship freely.

10) I am very creative and can think fast on my feet.  I am never at a loss for a good idea.

11) I've got no strings so I can wander freely...without vomit on my shirt or Cheerios in my hair.

12) Both of my cars are paid for, run, and are full of gas.

13)  I am not living paycheck to paycheck.

14) I have medical insurance.

15) I graduated from college.

16) I can sing and write poetry.

17) I have very, very, very cute thumbs.

18) I have a great bedroom with a very comfortable mattress.

19) I am in Florida...not stuck in snowstorms.

20)  I can laugh, smile, cry, talk, walk, run, breathe, eat, smell, see, hear, blink, love, hate, feel, think.

Ok.  All better now.  You?

Altered Today: Taking my own Advice, Gratitude, Poopy Attitude.

Day 62: Catalyst One Hundred and Twenty-Seven

Stumbled across this great website today called Creative Therapy. The concept is beautiful.  Each week features a challenge to have you look at an aspect of your life and express it in art (mixed medium, scrapbooking, writing, whatever). 



Some examples include:

Catalyst One Hundred and Two – Kara Haupt – What was the worst thing you ever did?
Catalyst Ninety-Seven – Dina Wakley – When in life have you felt most alone?

Catalyst Ninety-Five – Cheryl Ametewee – What’s something you struggle with?
Catalyst Eighty-Two – Susan Tuttle – What’s your superpower?
Catalyst Seven – Rhonna Farrer – What makes you, you?

This week Catalyst One Hundred and Twenty-Seven is one of my favorites. 
What’s your word or focus for 2011?

I hadn't intentionally created a theme for my life this year, but the more I blog, the more I focus on my health, the more I obsess, one has naturally emerged.

Let Go by Kathy Tagudin

Let go of what no longer serves me. Let go of having to figure it out.  Let go of worrying.  Let go of stress. Let go of disease.  Let go of weight.  Let go of the past.  Let go of having to know.  Let go of expectations.  Let go of fear. Let go of unhappiness. Let go of doing it myself. Let go of procrastination. Let go of hiding.  Let go of what ifs, could haves, and should haves.  Let go of restlessness.  Let go of grudges.  Let go of negative habits and attachments. Let go of who I think I am.  Let go of what's familiar.

What's your theme for 2011?

Altered Today: Theme for the year, Intention for the future