Alter Everything

Day 166: With Love To My Fellow Sick Friends

"You'll be ok." It's important to remember...especially when dealing with chronic illness. 

I KNOW. Easy for me to say. I can walk. I have my house. I have health insurance. My kids aren't sick. I have a doctor.  I'm not___________ (place your concern here).

Maybe so, but I do know this.

-You are powerful.
-You are resilient.
-You are amazing.

And there is NOTHING and I mean no-thing in this world too big for you to handle. 

Don't believe me?
Look around.  Look at all of the stuff you've accomplished...especially the stuff you never thought possible.

Think back to that deck you built, those shelves you assembled, that paper you wrote, that baby you pushed out, that love you lost, that trip you planned, that training you passed.  At first, wasn't it all daunting and insurmountable?

You've achieved so much; stuff most people could only imagine.  This is no different.

True. I don't walk your path. So I won't insult you by comparing mine. Still, I know your heart. I know who you are.  This is not the end of your journey. This is just the beginning of a new one.

Altered Today: Attitude about illness, support for others.

Day 165: How To Eat An Apple

If you asked my husband what annoys him most about me,
one of his top complaints would definitely be my chewing.

Him (as I bite into an apple): You're soooo LOUD!
Me (totally confused): I'm not LOUD. Apples are crunchy.

For 8 years, we've had this exchange over many a food item: 
apples, potato chips, corn chips, carrots, etc.

Honestly, I've never understood it.
It's not like I smack my lips or reveal my cud to the masses. 

I just bite things...crunchy things. 
Aren't crunchy things supposed to have a little ooomph to them?

Today, though, I totally got it.

There we are,
in the movie theater,
eating our smuggled almonds, apples, cheese, and popcorn.

Him: You're so LOUD!!!
Me: How am I supposed to do it?
Him: Let me show you (see video below).

 

Oh my word. 
He's Right. 
I am LOUD!!! 
Don't tell him though.
I'm still having fun pretending not to notice.

Altered Today:  Awareness of eating like a goat.

Day 164: AWKWARD...What Is Up With All The Arguing?

                                                                            Is Lyme causing us to think less clearly?

The quick brown fox jumped over the lazy dog. That's how my husband said I should start this blog post. Seriously, however, I am having a dilemma. I somehow want to illustrate my COMPLETE discomfort watching friends argue on Lyme Message Boards. Can you think of a good opener?

It is akin to watching couples fight when you have been invited to their house for a dinner party.  You go there thinking: "This is great. We'll relax. We'll have a good meal."  And you end up wondering how to get out gracefully...secretly questioning why people can't handle their upset in a more productive manner.

Now, don't get me wrong. I LOVE a debate. I LOVE when people disagree. I LOVE when people have opposing views and stand up for what they believe in. What I don't love is hate.  What I don't love are disparaging remarks. What I don't love are opinions...touted as facts...that are used to separate and pit people against each other.

THIS makes me crazy.

Honestly, there is so much drama surrounding Lyme Disease (and life in general).  Do we really need to perpetuate it within our own communities?

I am not pretending I have a solution here, but...as a human being and a life coach...I am engaged in the question.  What can we do to talk, laugh, and discuss things in a productive, positive environment?

If you have thoughts, let me know.

 

Altered Today: Home for Kitty, Opinions About Message Boards, Desire to Create a Lyme Positive Community

Day 150: I Appreciate You

The other day my husband decided to make me breakfast. This was not unusual...even at 10 pm. What was unusual was the way in which he did it.

"See baby," he yelled through the pass through to our kitchen.  "It's just like being at Waffle House." A place I would unashamedly drag him to at two in the morning.

Over his shoulder, he yelled to Betsy (our dog) as if she were his sous chef.

Him (in a thick, fake southern drawl): "Betsy, triple scramble hold the toast with a side of oink."

If you've never experienced a Waffle House, you can live the adventure by going here.

As you'll see, the waitresses are very kind, accommodating people.  Our favorite one --Pam-- would not only take our order, she'd entertain us with stories: about drunk folks, famous people, rock bands, and occasionally lipstick.

The best part of the meal (besides the bacon or sweet tea), always came at the end...just as we were getting ready to leave. Pam loved us and almost always provided a generous hug upon coming or going.  Right after we'd pay and just before we'd head out the door, she'd always say three simple words.

"I appreciate you!!!" she'd chirp with an enormous smile on her face.
"I appreciate YOU!!"  I'd loudly chime back, sometimes bringing us both close to tears.

I knew she meant it and, on really bad days (like when I first got sick), I'd go just to hear it.  A strange ritual, when you think about it.  But really, just shows what people will do for a bit of kindness.

Although I don't go to diners anymore, I haven't forgotten Pam or her gift of love.  Today,  grateful to be out of the house, I passed it on to the butcher, the Volvo parts guys in line, and the postal clerk. 

"I appreciate you,"  I said to all of them for a variety of reasons.  And you know what?  They appreciated me back. 

Guess that's one good thing about illness, it makes sweet moments all the sweeter.

Altered Today: Love for people, focusing on others, out of the house.

Day 149: I Loathe a Parade

Our reaction to Buckingham Palace when we visited on our honeymoon.

I was married in a Blacksmith Shop in Gretna Green, Scotland.
We eloped.
It is not the most important thing about me,
but it should tell you something about my personality.

****************************************************************
No tolerance for pomp.
No love for circumstance.
*******************************************************

It literally
makes me crazy
to think
anyone,
anywhere
would spend
$70 million dollars
on cakes,
costumes,
and cutlery.

Have you seen the UK's poverty rate?

That said,
people like fairytales
- especially real royal romantic ones -
and happiness
is always inspiring.

So...
Congratulations,
Will and Kate.

Long may you reign
Lovingly may you rule
And hopefully
all of that tourism
will stimulate
the economy.

Altered Today: Hope for Britain's Future, Love/Memories of Diana, More bed time

Day 144: Not Your Ordinary Easter

On Easter Eve, several years ago, something interesting happened. My husband and I, returning late from a trip, spotted a pink footed, shadowy figure as it jumped out onto the sidewalk. 

"Baby!  Look!!!" Angel said, as he shook me awake. 
Through the car window, I could see what looked like an over-sized rat with a stiff tail. Upon further investigation, I could tell it was a possum.

In amazement, we watched the little guy check both ways before crossing the road. Once on the other side, he padded from shrub to shrub, stopping to peer into the leaves... he seemed to be looking for something.

"What is he doing?!?!?" we laughed, as he continued his late-night mission.

"It seems like he's searching... maybe looking for food??" That's when it hit us: We were witnessing the first appearance of a lesser-known holiday character, the yin to the Easter Bunny's yang... we had discovered The Easter Possum!

EP (as we now call him), like his close relative the Virginia Possum, is a scavenger. While the Easter Bunny hides treats for children to find in Easter Egg Hunts, the Easter Possum follows behind collecting leftovers so no hard boiled egg or chocolate bunny gets wasted.

The "sighting" started a tradition of annual visits--starting with a bag of "trash" on my porch the next morning.

"That's weird," I said...thinking my husband forgot something. As I moved closer, I could see--this was no ordinary pile of garbage.  It was a present--lovingly (though messily) wrapped--in a Hefty Cinch Sack. 

Inside, I found an odd assortment of things: Easter Grass, eggs, bologna gum, and candy--all marred by tiny chew marks throughout the products and the packaging. 

My Easter Bounty, it seemed, had been gathered from several different backyards.   Beneath the sweets, I found this note: 

 

 

Honestly....Can you imagine anything cuter????

Since then, EP's been back several times:  sometimes leaving jelly beans; sometimes leaving Milk Duds; always leaving love and laughter.

Since I'm not eating sugar these days, I didn't expect he'd make an appearance this year. But silly me...that big rat is nothing if not resourceful. 

Look what I found when I got up this morning...

My Easter Basket

Of course, I can't eat all of it (dried fruits are a no-no).  But honestly, two thumbs up for effort.  My favorite part was the note....

LOL.  Hope you are enjoying your holiday.

Altered Today: Tradition, smiles, love for EP

Day 129: Who's Got Your Six?

 

 

From time to time, we all need somebody to look out for us.  For pilots, that guy's a Wingman; who supports him in dangerous flying situations.  For me, that guy is my husband; who supports me with virtually everything I do.

As Angel wheeled me all over SeaWorld today, I fell in love all over again.   Despite total exhaustion, he did everything to make me smile; brought me water, fended off strangers, pushed me up and down giant inclines, zigged in and out of traffic....all in hopes of a good day.

We've experienced a lot during our 7+ years together: hurricanes, death, sheep covered hills, injury, and now illness.  Peaks and valleys (as he likes to call them).  Yes, we have become hiking experts.

On the drive home, I was surprised when he pulled over to let me know he was falling asleep at the wheel.

"Do you need me to drive?" I asked.
"Could you?" he answered.

In that moment, I got the whole context of our marriage.  I finish what he starts, he nurtures what I can't, and as a team we make it through everything.  As I watched him rest in the seat beside me, it felt nice to carry him for a change. He's done sooo much over these last seven months.  It was good to return the favor....

While I drove, all of his kindness ran through me: how he stayed awake on our train to Scotland, how he took care of my dad after surgery, how he nursed me through Wisdom teeth/a broken knee/and this, how he calms my fears in the middle of the night.  Few men could do his job.

Although he will probably hate the picture below, I had to post it.  THIS is what real love looks like; beyond sexy, beyond stories, beyond butterflies and rainbows.

Angel exhausted from taking care of me

Thank you Baby for loving me so much that you can no longer keep your eyes open (or mouth closed).  As Noelene said when she married us, "Surely you are a man befitting of your name."

Altered Today: Love for my husband.

Day 121: S.O.S.

 

Well, the day's not off to a good start. Sleep didn't come easily last night and, when it did, it was filled with horrible/ironic dreams; like being trapped in a Hyperbaric Chamber running out of oxygen (think it's time to stop medical research before bed??).

Anyway, now on top of my normal crappy, sick/achy/flu-like/pain/virusy symptoms,  I feel like I have some strange hangover..which makes the fight I had with my husband this morning even more upsetting. 

It started when the alarm went off, which instantly had me up and worried about the dog.  Hubby was still tired (probably from me keeping him up all night) and I felt exhausted (for obvious reasons).

I rolled over, asked my husband to let the dog out (which he didn't think needed out yet), but obsessive me couldn't relax knowing she was in there so I kept asking.

Me (whiny): Baby, can you let Betsy out? I really need to go back to sleep.
Him (sleepy): She's fine. I'll get her in a 1/2 hour.
Me (insistent): But baby, I can't sleep if I'm worried about her, can you please just let her out? I really need to sleep.
Him (louder): She's fine. I'll do it in a little bit
Me (getting more obsessed): She's not fine. PLEASE...I just need to sleep.
Him (more annoyed now than sleepy):  I need to sleep too. What about me?
Me (now totally upset, awake, sick, and righteous): Hrruuuumph! (insert noise of slamming door here).

It was not a pretty scene; also not one of my finer moments, but this is how it is when you have a life surrounded by illness.  On the one hand, you have me--a sick person--grappling for any moment of reprieve. On the other, you have him--a caregiver--struggling for the same.

They're different sides of the same boat: both sinking, both overloaded, and both desperately in need of rescue.  I love you, baby. I'm sorry I slammed the door this morning and that I didn't trust you to take care of things later.  I am also sorry you're feeling tired and overwhelmed. We'll get through this.

Altered Today: Seeing life from my husband's point of view, formally apologizing, going back to bed.

Day 93: You're Amazing

From time to time, we all need reminders of our greatness. 

Some, find it in sayings.

 

Some, find it in songs.

 

Others, find it videos.  Wait 'til the end. It's worth it.

 

Wherever you are, wherever you go, whatever you're dealing with, carry these words--in your heart and your head:

You are Smart.
You are Strong.
And You Are Loved...
More Than You'll Ever Know.

Happy Friday!

Altered Today: What I'm focusing on.

Day 80: Let Someone Love You

Me with Kathy, Rocking the 80's

Dear Alter Everything enthusiasts,

I am one of Kathy's oldest friends. After chatting with her on the phone for an hour and having both a good laugh and good cry I decided that it was a good day to give her a break from her daily blog and write a little something on her behalf. 

Today is a good day to talk about friendship. I met Kathy when we were both teenagers.

Here we are...apparently pretending to be Pirates.

We shared a lot of angst and drama as we both went through some heavy life lessons. But one of the more endearing qualities Kathy possesses is that she's not afraid to share herself with others. All her joy and heartache flow equally as she lets you into her world. She is brave and revealing, kind and direct. There have been many times when we both sat and pontificated for hours on who we are, how we feel and what's supposed to be next in our lives. Surely by the time we reach "X" we'll figure it out!

Here we are at 30...saying "Surely, by the time we're 40..."

Lately my dear friend has been sick. And sickness shows up for people in all sorts of ways, like fear, or indifference, or compassion. No one likes being sick, especially when its at the expense of all the other things you wish you could be doing. Feeling sorry for yourself only breeds sorrow. Feeling optimistic breeds anything.

If there is one thing I know for sure, we all only have a limited amount of time on the planet. As I listened to Kathy tell me how hard her current journey is, I was reminded that one day we will all return to dust. I seem to be surrounded by sickness lately. Turning 40 was like surviving the winter only to discover everything had turned to rust.

You won't always have your closest, dearest, or oldest friends around. Today you should do at least one of the following:

 - send someone flowers just because
 - make a plan to visit someone you miss
 - write someone an old fashioned letter just to catch up
 - make a phone call you have been putting off
 - remind someone you love them dearly, even if you think they know

I love you dearly Kathy. Feel better soon! xoxo
Barbie

Altered Today: Let Somebody Love You (and love them back)