Alter Everything

Day 73: This Week at a Glance

 

 

 

 

Altered Today: How I Communicate.  Inspiration for this post courtesy of You Are Your Own Muse by Vivienne McMaster

Day 71: Not My Proudest Moment, but...

 

I'll admit it. I yelled at the QuickBooks guy today.  In hindsight, I'm not proud of my actions, but really...how much questioning can one girl take?

It all started with a simple phone call to "deactivate" my on line payroll processing.

Me (after being on hold for 10 minutes): Yes, I'd like to cancel my payroll service.
Random Pushy Operator Girl:  Why?  Ms. Tagudin.  Are you going out of business?
Me (not really wanting to discuss it): No. My bookkeeper is handling my payroll now so I don't need it.
Pushy Operator Girl: I don't understand. So your bookkeeper is handling your payroll and you don't need it?
Me (obviously not giving her an answer that fit into a neat little box):  Yes. That's what I said.  I no longer need it.
Now Super Duper Pushy Operator Girl: But Kathy.  May I call you Kathy?  That's really not a reason I understand. Can you tell me some more about why you don't need the payroll service?
Me (now completely annoyed): I'm cancelling because I don't need it.  I don't know what else to tell you. I just don't need it.
Extra Pushy Operator Girl: So, do you no longer have employees?
Me (now ready to kill someone):  Yes. I still have employees. I just don't need the payroll service.
Now Super Duper, Duper Pushy Annoying Operator Girl: Ok hold please while I process your transaction.

(2 minutes later)

Annoying Operator Girl:  Ms. Tagudin, I have Tom on the line to discuss closing your payroll service.
Tom (cheesy smile coming through the phone): Hello, Ms. Tagudin. This is Tom.  I understand you would like to cancel your payroll service?
Me (turning purple from biting my toungue): Yes Tom. I would like to cancel my payroll service.
Tom (obviously oblivious to the sound of disdain): So...can you tell me WHY you'd like to cancel your payroll service?
Me (now completely disgusted): No, Tom.  I would not like to tell you WHY I'm cancelling my payroll service.  I just don't need it anymore.  End of story. Period.
Tom (still oblivious to the sound of disdain): I understand, Ms. Tagudin. However in order to better serve you, we need to know why you are cancelling.
Me (no longer able to contain myself):  You want to know why I'm cancelling, TOM.  I'll tell you why I'm cancelling, TOM.  I'm cancelling TOM because instead of listening to me and just cancelling my service, TOM, you've had me on the phone for 20 minutes TOM, running me around in circles TOM about WHY I want to cancel TOM.  I'm cancelling TOM because dealing with you is like pulling teeth. I'm cancelling TOM because I'd rather be at the dentist than having this conversation. I'm cancelling TOM because Quickbooks is an awful company to deal with and EVERY TIME I have a problem or concern, I have to call you about the problem or concern, then I'm FORCED to talk to you for 1/2 hour about the problem or concern before you HANDLE IT.  THAT is why I'm cancelling TOM.  Do you understand, TOM?!?!?!?
TOM (starting to get it): So, you're cancelling then because you don't like the service?

Aaaaargh!  Somebody shoot me.

Altered Today: Self Expression, Any Civility, My Last Nerve

Day 60: Five Things

As weird as it sounds, I miss my husband.  Though he's just two rooms away, we haven't been especially close lately and, rather than come together, it seems like we're living in two separate worlds. 

In his world, he goes to the gym, takes care of our current marketing business, and works on his photography website.  In my world, I write blog posts, do art when I'm up to it, and obsessively research health information. 

Occasionally, we'll stop for a movie or a bite to eat, but even then we're disconnected.  I'll watch sadly as he escapes to his i-pad. His eyes will roll slightly as I fill him in on the current ache of the day. 

When our paths cross, our conversations are always the same.  He'll ask if I took my vitamins or if I ate yet.  I'll ask how he's doing or what he's working on (usually with little response).

Although I know it's just temporary, this is not a fun time in our marriage (less better, more worse).  It can't be easy for him to have a wife who's chronically tired, complaining, and inconsolable.  And it's not easy for me to have a husband who doesn't understand..even though I know he's trying.

As I discussed the dilemma with my girlfriend, she offered an idea.  "Wanna know a new game I am playing with my husband?"  "Sure," I said up for anything.  "When he comes home now, instead of asking how he's doing, I ask him to tell me five things about his day."

"Interesting," I thought...inspired to get this train moving again.  So, this afternoon over eggs, I tried it.  "Tell me five things about your game yesterday," I requested between sips of water.  And, for 20 minutes, he gave me all the dirt: how they were one man down, how he played offense and defense, how he's the oldest guy on the team.  It was nice to see him smile.

As we enter our 8th year of marriage, I'm still learning what it means to be a good wife, a good partner, and a good friend to the man that stole my heart during a life changing seminar. 

Baby, if you are reading this, I love you and I miss you.  I'm sorry I've been so distant and self-consumed and miserable. Five things? 

You mean everything to me.

Altered Today: Listening/Talking, Getting Connected

Day 37: Tell it Like it is

My friend Lisa is the best communicator.  While most people spend their time trying to say the right thing or be impressive, she has this uncanny ability to just say what she's thinking (which, by the way, is almost always impressive by default).

For example, let's say she just met you and was worried about whether you liked her or not.   Instead of trying to look smart or bragging about something, she would say something like "You know, I can see I'm trying to find the right words to say to you right now to make a good impression and that's not going so well. So, how about we just skip that part and talk?"

On several occasions, I've admired her ability to state the obvious.  Invite her to a party she doesn't want to attend and she'll say something like "You know, I know I am supposed to either say 'yes, I'm coming' or 'no' and make up some really great excuse.  But the truth is I'm just really not up for a party right now and I'm really not up for making up a reason why I'm not up for a party so I'll just say 'thanks, but no thanks' and leave it at that."

BRILLIANT>!>!>

So, in the spirit of Lisa...

You know, I can really see I am trying to figure out the "right" thing to write about today.  It's like I just want to point out the one special thing that I altered, talk about how it made a difference, finish this blog post, and move on. But the truth is, I didn't alter one big thing today, I altered lots of little things:  I listened more than I talked.  I spent thousands of dollars on medical tests.  I let friends love on me.  I used all natural oatmeal soap.  I made five journals--all at the same time.  I found out where my pancreas is.  In a nutshell, I did my homework.  So, let's move on and leave it at that.

Altered Today: How I talk about what I altered

Day 11: Altering Long Distance Relationships

It all started with a weekly date with my friend Barb who lives in California. When we were 17, we used to sing, paint, and laugh daily.  Now, 23 years later and a whole country between us, we don't talk nearly as often as we should.

The alternative?  Together, we are creating an art journal that travels weekly from coast to coast. One week, she'll draw or paint something, then mail it. The next week, I'll draw or collage something and then mail it back. And on and on it goes.

It's not quite the same as being together and giggling ‘til dawn, but it is a great way to stay connected and keep the creative juices flowing.  Above is my contribution to this week’s edition.  In it, a blank page becomes a reminder for what’s possible.  Not bad for turning a complaint into a commitment.

Altered Today: An old friendship, a blank page, my attitude