Alter Everything

Day 104: Optimistic or Realistic--Pick What Empowers You

If you flip open the March issue of Natural Health, there's a great excerpt from Kris Carr's book "Crazy Sexy Diet."  If you don't know Kris, in 2003 she was diagnosed with incurable liver cancer.  Instead of dying, she reinvented her health (and her life).  Eight years later, she's sick, but stable.  This, she credits, to an altered diet/environment, free from toxins, processed foods, caffeine, white flour, animal fats, and acidic foods (it also helps that she has a great attitude).

Many of her suggestions, I'm already implementing. Processed foods have been expunged from my freezer.

The contents I emptied recently.

Supplements, along with juicing, have become daily staples.

My daily vitamins and tonics.

And toxic products have been replaced with non-toxic.
If you need GOOD non-toxic skincare, Ava Anderson is excellent.

The one thing I could improve is my self-talk.   

As a life coach, I appreciate the power of positive thinking; I also believe it's important to honor your experience. With that in mind, I'm always seeking to balance what's true for me with what empowers me (Ie: Saying I feel great when my leg feels like it's going to fall off DOES NOT inspire me. Saying I am strong and I will get through this does).

So, that said, here are some positive but true thoughts I am kicking around today: It won't always be this way.  I am not my body.  I have choices.  I am powerful.  Good will come of this. And my new favorite, stolen from Kris, Each step is a victory. Each fall, a lesson.

Altered Today: Getting creative with what I say to myself.

Day 97: Are You Having A Healing Crisis?

After being sick for a while, I started to notice a pattern.  Just as I'd start to make progress, I'd decline--often to end up feeling worse than I did in the first place.  At first, I couldn't make sense of it.  "Maybe what I'm doing isn't working," I questioned.  "Maybe I should just give up."

Then, I learned about Healing Crises.  Now, I know, it's part of the process.

Defined simply, a Healing Crisis is your body's natural reaction to toxins as it struggles to return to health. The more toxic your symptoms, the more toxic your reaction.  Which can often leave people feeling like they're 1) On the wrong path or 2) Hopeless.

While most people think of health as a simple formula,

the "true" path to detoxification actually looks more like this:

  
NOTE:  In my case, "the right thing" is following a yeast-free/gluten-free/sugar-free/whole food diet, dry brushing, daily dry saunas, epsom salt soaks, herbs, and massage.

Bottom Line?  If what you're doing's not working, don't give up (at least not yet).  What might look like failure, could actually be success just waiting to happen.

Altered Today: Understanding Hering's Law of Cure and other Homeopathic theories.  Relating healing to success in life.  Like anything, the key is to stick with it.

Day 93: You're Amazing

From time to time, we all need reminders of our greatness. 

Some, find it in sayings.

 

Some, find it in songs.

 

Others, find it videos.  Wait 'til the end. It's worth it.

 

Wherever you are, wherever you go, whatever you're dealing with, carry these words--in your heart and your head:

You are Smart.
You are Strong.
And You Are Loved...
More Than You'll Ever Know.

Happy Friday!

Altered Today: What I'm focusing on.

Day 91: Beating Boredom and Blues: A Primer for the Chronically Ill

My Favorite Four Days by Kathy Tagudin

Four days a month.  That's how often I feel "healthy."  Not symptom free, but vital--the kind of feeling you get when you've just recovered from the flu and want to leave the house. 

When this happens, I get dressed, go to movies, do art, work on my Etsy stuff, and question.  "Maybe I'm getting better," I'll say, sometimes out loud.  "Maybe I'm not really sick."

Those four days are magical.  I love them.  Although I wish they would multiply,  I'm not complaining. Many people never get a break from illness.  Still, it's not easy: being home, not fully functioning , and looking at a schedule filled with blood work, doctor's appointments, strange herbs, etc. Which leads me to the other days...

24-27  by Kathy Tagudin

The dreaded 24-27. 

Those days...are not as good.  Sometimes, they're filled with intense pain that require hot baths at 3:00am.  Other times, they're marred by insomnia and depression.  Mostly, they're just blah days filled with with randomness: weird aches, new rashes, hot/cold/tingling/stinging/burning sensations, stomach pain, strange food, fatigue, and this awful little annoying ache in my right-hand pointer finger.

To keep sane, I do a lot of things.  Which brings me to why I am writing...to discuss how I cope while I wait for a diagnosis.  Below is my list (it's not complete yet, but it's a start).  If you have anything to add, let me know.  As with everything, it's all a work in progress.

Beating Boredom and Blues: A Primer for the Newly Diagnosed or Chronically Ill

1.  Discover the Internets -- Need a break from researching symptoms or lurking on medical message boards?  The web's got tons of cool sites to keep your mind busy and your attention occupied. 

For fun, I like: Mr. Picasso Head, All About Pets, BeFunky, JibJab, Uncyclopedia, Games.com
For distraction, try:  Hulu,  TED, PostSecret, YouTube, Livemocha, Movieclips.com, The Onion

2.  Set Daily Goals -- Are you homebound? Do you work? Are you struggling just to get out of bed?  Whatever boat you're in, I have one suggestion: Accomplish one thing daily.  The goal doesn't need to be big.  Sometimes mine is as small as washing my hair or getting some sunshine.  Stretch yourself--don't push yourself.  Go on.  You can do it. It might not make you feel better, but it will make you feel more human.

3.  Be Your Own Best Friend -- I know. I get it. It sucks when people: say dumb things, don't understand, disappear, or genuinely disregard what you are dealing with when you are suffering with illness.  The truth?  They are not going to understand--at least not naturally.  So, your job is to: a) educate them b) move on or c) find people who will.  Period.  This means YOU (yes, sick you) are going to have to do some things you are not confortable with.  Things like:  Asking for support (have you told them what you need from them?); Reaching out to strangers (in waiting rooms, online, through friends of friends, through support groups); Demanding that you're heard (sometimes to very intimidating people in white coats who are much larger/stronger/smarter than you).  I know. It's not fair. I know.  You shouldn't have to do it.  Regardless, you need an advocate right now.  Can you think of anyone who's more qualified?  

4.  Get a Hobby -- What did you love to do as a child?  Bake? Sew? Knit? Paint?  If you're able, why not go back to it now?  If it's too hard, maybe there's something similar you can enjoy?  For example, I'm not always well enough to make art, but I can look through craft magazines and pull out projects I might like to do in the future.  Find ways to bring creativity back into your life.  Inspiration will follow.

5.  Share the Journey -- Call it therapy, call it writing, call it journaling, call it whatever you want.  There is something incredibly therapeutic about documenting your journey.  Websites like Blogger,  Wordpress, and LiveJournal are great ways to get your feet wet. For something more old school (or more private), consider a blank or handcrafted journal.

6.  Get a Sense of Humor -- I know. There's nothing funny about what you're going through. Still, if you look really, really hard...maybe there actually is.  For example: You know you're sick when you get a glass of water, consider putting ice in it, then decide it's too much effort (happened to me this morning).  Sad??  Yes.  Funny?  Yes, too.  If you can't find your sense of humor, borrow or steal one.  As they say, laughter really is the best medicine.

Altered Today: Writing for Others, Being Useful Instead of Mopey

Day 87: Being Green: Not Easy, but Worth It

   

I'll never forget one of the first times I talked to my friend Jen about nutrition.  "You shouldn't drink that," she said, staring at my glass of super sweet tea with a look of panic.  She then went on to share horror stories about yeast, food chemicals, and the dangers of contaminated meat.

For years, Jen casually dropped hints about buying whole foods, choosing organic, hormones, etc. "Have you seen the movie SuperSize Me?" she would ask.  "How about Food, Inc?"

She wasn't trying to lecture. She was trying to love. 

Did I listen???  Somewhat. 
Did I change?  Not really.

Now, I should preface this by saying: Jen is beautiful. Like if 12 supermodels got together and made a baby, I doubt they could produce anyone so perfect. 

Jen is also EXTREMELY dedicated to health and nutrition.  She makes her own almond milk, doesn't feed the kids Cheerios, sprouts unrecognizable things on her kitchen counter top, and takes her own burgers to parties.

In truth, this perfection leads to her downfall.  Although everybody would like to look like her, few people believe they could ever live like her so it sometimes makes her message unrelatable.

Funny thing, after six months of sickness, I don't just relate to Jen, I've become her. 

My pantry has turned into a billboard for Whole Foods.

My drinks into something fit for the Hulk.

Green Goddess made with organic apple, cucumber, spinach, kiwi, and green grapes.

As Oprah once said, "The universe speaks to us in whispers. If we ignore the whispers, we get pebbles of warnings. If we still don't pay attention, we get bricks of problems, and if we're really hardheaded, eventually the entire brick wall comes crashing down."

I didn't realize I was so hardheaded, but I'm starting to get the picture.

Altered Today: Food Choices. Listening for whispers, pebbles, and everything in between.

Day 86: What's Your Plan B?

 

TODAY, I'm worried about money.

With that in mind:
a) I'd better get better...quick
b) My husband needs to find/create something that covers both of our incomes
c) Unless we win the lottery or some other miracle occurs, we're in trouble 

Although my worry meter hasn't shifted completely to high alert, I can see the writing on the wall.

Out of network doctors + $3,000 insurance deductible + hundreds/thousands in uncovered medicine/herbs/organic food
+ no work = bad news for our bank account and financial future.

Secretly, I weigh out the potential options:
-Get better or well enough to function
-Grin and bear it 
-Move in with my mom
-Sell the house
-Bankruptcy
-Take out a loan

Except for the first one, none of them sound good (sure hope this oil pulling thing's a winner...lol).
Regardless, I am now confronting, headfirst, one of my greatest fears--having to count on others.

Let me explain.

-In second grade, when I wanted extra money for pizza, I started a shell game with L'eggs' pantyhose containers and charged fellow students a quarter for the chance to win matchbox cars. 

-When I was 12, I kept a jar of peanut butter and a list of stores that offered free food samples under my bed... just in case I wanted to run away from home.

Does that tell you anything about my personality? 

I am resourceful.  I am a survivor.  I am an "8" (which in Enneagram speak means my Basic Desire is to protect myself, ie: be in control of my own life and destiny).

free enneagram test 

This doesn't mean I don't ask for support or request things from people.  But it's calculated.  It's risky. And I always have a back up plan in mind. 

As a healthy person, being self-reliant is good--sometimes even admired. 

As a sick person, being self-reliant is devasting--how can I possibly handle things when I feel so unpredictable?

As I continue along this journey, one thing I know for sure: It does no good to worry.  So, I plan for the worst, but hope for the best...secretly hoarding pistachios and Vitamin D in my pocket.

Altered Today: Being Open to Miracles that are not of my making

Day 85: Put A Bird On It

As an artist, I often struggle with how to "create" things.  What belongs there?  Does this go with that?  Is this the right direction?  Sometimes, the choices are so overwhelming, even I don't know where to start.

Well...thank God for Portlandia...a cute sketch comedy show with the solution to my creative worries. 

OMG.  Why didn't I think of that?  (Oh wait, maybe I have).

Altered CD Jacket Journal by Kathy Tagudin

OK, no problem.  At least my bird ideas are distinct amongst all of the other bird ideas.

 

Or....maybe not.

But at least I'm taking the time to be creative and put stuff out there.
This is true. This is arguably true.

So, if you've got something to express, but don't know where to begin...put a bird on it.  I DARE YOU!  If for no other reason than just because you can.

Flippin the Bird T-Shirt by chillin penguin designs

Altered Today: Giving a Flip, Flipping the Bird, More Silly Bird Artwork, Bird on a ?????, Daring YOU to create something.

Day 84: Thank You Tim Robbins, Morgan Freeman, and Carolyn

Have you ever seen The Shawshank Redemption?

If not, you should.  Sprinkled with tiny gems of wisdom, the film has a lot to say about freedom, creating your destiny, and the struggle of life.

"Salvation lies within," Warden Samuel Norton declares in one scene.

"Hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things, and no good thing ever dies," reminds Andy Dufresne in another.

Throughout the movie men, faced with insurmountable obstacles, plan/conspire/pursue/resist the dream of a better life.

They speak of misfortune:

"Bad luck, I guess. It floats around. It's got to land on somebody. It was my turn, that's all. I was in the path of the tornado. I just didn't expect the storm would last as long as it has," reasons Andy.

They speak of settling:

"These walls are funny. First you hate 'em, then you get used to 'em. Enough time passes, you get so you depend on them," justifies Red.

They speak of hope:

"I'm so excited, I can barely sit still or hold a thought in my head. I think it's the excitement only a free man can feel, a free man at the start of a long journey whose conclusion is uncertain. I hope I can make it across the border. I hope to see my friend and shake his hand. I hope the Pacific is as blue as it has been in my dreams. I hope." says Red.

They speak of struggle:

"You could argue he'd done it to curry favor with the guards. Or, maybe make a few friends among us cons. Me, I think he did it just to feel normal again, if only for a short while," analyzes Red

In the end, the whole sentiment of the movie can be summed up in six words:

"Get busy living, or get busy dying," Andy asserts in memorable moment with Red.

Good Advice, boys. Good Advice.

Altered Today: Taking Advice, Love and Appreciation for my Friend and Movies.

Day 80: Let Someone Love You

Me with Kathy, Rocking the 80's

Dear Alter Everything enthusiasts,

I am one of Kathy's oldest friends. After chatting with her on the phone for an hour and having both a good laugh and good cry I decided that it was a good day to give her a break from her daily blog and write a little something on her behalf. 

Today is a good day to talk about friendship. I met Kathy when we were both teenagers.

Here we are...apparently pretending to be Pirates.

We shared a lot of angst and drama as we both went through some heavy life lessons. But one of the more endearing qualities Kathy possesses is that she's not afraid to share herself with others. All her joy and heartache flow equally as she lets you into her world. She is brave and revealing, kind and direct. There have been many times when we both sat and pontificated for hours on who we are, how we feel and what's supposed to be next in our lives. Surely by the time we reach "X" we'll figure it out!

Here we are at 30...saying "Surely, by the time we're 40..."

Lately my dear friend has been sick. And sickness shows up for people in all sorts of ways, like fear, or indifference, or compassion. No one likes being sick, especially when its at the expense of all the other things you wish you could be doing. Feeling sorry for yourself only breeds sorrow. Feeling optimistic breeds anything.

If there is one thing I know for sure, we all only have a limited amount of time on the planet. As I listened to Kathy tell me how hard her current journey is, I was reminded that one day we will all return to dust. I seem to be surrounded by sickness lately. Turning 40 was like surviving the winter only to discover everything had turned to rust.

You won't always have your closest, dearest, or oldest friends around. Today you should do at least one of the following:

 - send someone flowers just because
 - make a plan to visit someone you miss
 - write someone an old fashioned letter just to catch up
 - make a phone call you have been putting off
 - remind someone you love them dearly, even if you think they know

I love you dearly Kathy. Feel better soon! xoxo
Barbie

Altered Today: Let Somebody Love You (and love them back)

Day 78: Which One Are You?

 

After visiting various medical message boards recently, I couldn't help but notice: There are two types of people in this world.  1) People who are victims of circumstance or 2) People who create what they want.

When I'm being a victim, it's easy to tell.  I whine. I complain.  I blame people. I say things like: "People are stupid.  It's not fair.  Nobody cares."

When I'm creating what I want, that's obvious too.  I set goals.  I view setbacks as learning experiences.  I say things like: "Now what? How am I responsible? What will make a difference here?"

To be honest, I've had my feet planted in both worlds (especially lately).  Some days, I'm focused on what's possible, what I CAN do, and planning the next steps.  Other days, I'm in the bedroom with the blinds closed feeling VERY sorry for myself and wishing the world would go away...even though there's no cheese down that tunnel.

The truth?  We all have tough times. We all have things we wish were different.  We all have dark days, nights, and afternoons in between.  It's what you do with them that matters.

So, today, rather then get swallowed up by pajamas, I set out on a mission: 

A) Call two people I've been missing
B) Get tax receipts in order
C) Drive to the doctor and get questions answered
D) Research insurance information
E) Write this post
F) Cut four book covers
G) Listen to a positive CD

They're not BIG steps, but they're steps...and that's important.

Without knowing much about your circumstances, I'll bet you have a few small steps you could take too.  If so, won't you join me on a teensy-weensy journey? 

Today, rather than sulk, stress, mope, cry, scream, or go crazy...

1) Write down two things you have been putting off or complaining about
2) Do something about both things in the next 24 hours
3) Let us know how it goes

Altered Today: Butt out of bed/hair combed on head. Shoes on my feet/out in the street. Control what I can/make a new plan.  Ask others to play/end post in new way.