I'll admit it; I'm a chicken. For 20 minutes, I've been quivering, holding my meticulously clean thigh with my blue-gloved hand, staring at a needle.
"It's just like darts," I rationalize.
"You can do this."
"It's just a pinch."
Even in the most logical scenarios, THIS isn't happening.
"What if this could save your life?"
(It won't).
"What if you were on a desert island?"
(I'm not).
"You get shots all of the time. You're fine with it."
(That's because I'm not giving them).
Without blinking, a zillion different thoughts run through my head:
- Missing my thigh, jamming the needle into my wrist, hitting some major artery
- Passing out from pain/hyperventilation, the dog getting hold of the syringe, eating it, and dying in the process
- Not jamming the needle in hard enough, then doing it again and again and again
- Stinging, unbearable pain flooding my leg (Thanks, Lyme Support Group)
I don't know why I'm being such a wimp.
I was strong once.
I accomplished things.
I walked barefoot--in grass.
I drank milk after the expiration date.
Bravely, I think of my favorite Lyme nurse and channel her.
Deep breath in.
Hold it.
Small pinch.
Predictably, the needle hits my thigh and bounces back.
It's like a cruel staring contest.
You can guess who won.
Determined, I pick up the phone and text a friend I haven't seen since September.
"Are you home? I need a nurse favor."
Luckily, she's willing to make house calls for just such an "emergency."
Hours later, she's here...smiling, willing, happy to help.
Teamwork.
Yes, teamwork.
That's definitely been missing.
Thank you Cathy for reminding me:
Just because I have to do it, doesn't mean I have to do it alone.
XOXO
Altered Today: Remembering I have people who want to support me.
PS If you'd like to learn how to give yourself intramuscular Methylated B-12 shots, there's a great tutorial here. To learn how to give subcutaneous injections, go here. To adopt your own nurse (a smart investment, in my opinion), go here .
FYI: Some doctors prefer intramuscular B-12 injections and some prefer subcutaneous B-12 injections. To find out what type of injection is right for you (and the best way to deliver it), ask your doctor.
ahhhh, Kat. Been there, done that if you remember. The first time I jabbed myself with a needle, the area on my thigh got SO swollen and puffy I was sure I'd totally screwed up; I even went to Winter Park Memorial Hospital (which was an experience all of it's own!) to be sure I hadn't killed myself with my allergy shot. It does get easier once you resign yourself to being a pin cushion for a bit. I was told a pretty good trick - get yourself and orange and jab it repeatedly. For whatever reason, the peel of an orange is much like our skin. Tell Angel he has to give your injection site an "all better!" kiss after. :) love ya lots kiddo!!
Posted by: Kathryn | 02/23/2012 at 11:03 AM
That is soooooo funny. I am the SAME way, though mine are subcutaneous and I still feel like I'm losing every time I give myself one. I take a breath and then poke but it always seems that my skin is leather! "bouncing back"....totally. This made me laugh but also encouraged me that I'm not alone.....now to find a nurse friend :)
Posted by: Heather | 02/23/2012 at 11:03 AM
Oh kathy
I am so sorry! I did not have trouble with it since I had to give our youngest daughter shots every day for years so I was used to it. Bouncing back? Yikes. That sounds painful! My hubby gives himself these shots by pulling up some skin in the hip/buttock area. I sure hope it gets easier, and YES it is OKAY to ask for help. Yahoo for nurse friends to the rescue!!!
Posted by: Renee | 02/23/2012 at 06:09 PM
Dear Kathy: I have been learning this lesson a lot recently. Friends really do want to help. Love you. Remember to call on us.
Posted by: Jrsn1234 | 03/17/2012 at 11:09 AM