Alter Everything

Days 393-394: The World May Never Know

Question: "How many licks does it take to get to the Tootsie Roll center of a Tootsie Pop?"
Answer: It depends who you're asking.

If you ask me, three sounds like a reasonable number (I chomp, not lick). To others, 10 is far more likely (or conservative). Scientific experiments range from 144-411.

It's funny: defining the indefinable. While we like to think in absolutes, there are always other factors "clouding" the outcome: preferences, sample/data contamination, time, environment, knowledge (to name a few).

Will a fresh, NEW pop break down more quickly that an old one?
Good question.
What if a person has a really large, wet, acidic tongue?
Does that matter?
How big is the pop?
Miniature?  Jumbo?  Is that taken into consideration?
What's the temperature of your mouth? Is it full of other things?
Can't melt candy when your mouth's full of meatloaf.
Is the wrapper off?
LOL...

While it may seem like a strange analogy, that's the dilemma faced by me and numerous other Lyme/chronically ill patients.

We all have the same question:
What will it take to get well?

 The turtle has one answer:





The owl another:




The fox another:

The cow another:




The actual answer depends on you.

Days 390-392: Get In My Belly

 

Ooooohhhhhh, creamy, dreamy chicken pot pie. MAN...how I've missed you! Tiny parcels of petite potatoes, little slices of carrots, yummy gravy-like goodness, delicious biscuit/pie topping. If anyone's deserving of a sugar-free, yeast-free makeover it's you.

Come here, come here, come here, come here and Get-in-My-Belly...

If you are dreaming of some new gluten-free, sugar-free recipes, if you're tired of eating the same thing day after day after day, have I got a treat for you.

Run, don't walk, immediately to www.healthfulpursuit.com and check out these great finds:

Biscuit Topped Chicken Pot Pie

15 Minute Salmon Cakes with Fresh Tartar Sauce

Apple Cinnamon Overnight Oats

Almond Flour Biscuits

Cream of Mushroom Soup

You'll feel like you've hit the gluten-free, sugar-free Lotto!!!!!
(and this is coming from a girl who has a shelf FULL of anti-candida cookbooks). 

Granted, not everything on the site is "safe."  Mushrooms are debatable on an Anti-Candida Diet (read more about the debate here and here). Coconut sugar is something I don't touch. I only eat green apples.  But do your own research and decide for yourself.

PS Haven't tried it yet, but I think those Almond Flour Biscuits would make an AMAZING cookie (sub cinnamon for onion powder and add a touch of Stevia).  They're not your typical fluffy biscuit (more like shortbread), but still yummy. If you can stand a couple of grams of sugar (not recommended for ACD), check out Pamela's Baking and Pancake Mix.

Other good sites you might enjoy:

Affairs of Living

Diet, Dessert, and Dogs

Simply Sugar and Gluten Free

Note: A good anti-candida diet food list can be found here.

Happy cooking!!! :)

Days 386-389: What I Really Want For Christmas

You asked me what I want this year
And I try to make this kind and clear
Just a chance that maybe we'll find better days
'cause I don't need boxes wrapped in strings
And designer love and empty things
Just a chance that maybe we'll find better days

-Better Days, The Goo Goo Dolls

"Ok, God. You have 22-hours." That's what I'm thinking as sunrise approaches. I don't know if it's smart to give God deadlines or announce them via blog post, but he said "ask and ye shall receive." Last Christmas Eve, I did. 

One-year later, I'm still waiting.

Granted, there's been progress. I am out of pajamas (better). I am able to walk around malls now and climb flights of stairs (yay). Angel's found meaning in his work (answered).

Still, babies, me working, renewal, and a comforting home seem miles away.  What gets created from this will be interesting. Hopefully, it will resemble a needlepoint: confusing from below, a masterpiece from above.

I know this year marks a turning point in our lives; one we will someday regard with pride, determination, or humor (or perhaps a combo of all three). Still, as I look at this photo, I see two tired people...in fact, hundreds of tired people:  friends, family members, doctors, patients, and caregivers...still searching for hope, pain-free days, productive lives, and a cure.

If you are one of them,

I pray that you find "love tonight
And somehow stop this endless fight
Just a chance that maybe we'll find better days."

 

Days 378-385: I Know What I Know

 

Alton Brown's talking about yeast on Food Network. He's discussing pizza dough: how slow rise is better than fast, how yeast needs time to ferment. To help, he's adding malted barley.  Words like gluten, gliadin, and crisp leap from his lips. I am drinking a green drink trying not to puke from the nystatin I just took on an empty stomach.

The phrase medically fatigued doesn't begin to express how I'm feeling right now. My mouth is on fire. Stomach pains plague me. My stool is yellow. My upper abdomen's distended.

Over the last week, I've been told a myriad of things from numerous doctors.

"Viruses aren't a problem...."
"Candida's not real...."
"Take Priolosec..."
"Your system is over-reacting..."
"It can't be thrush..."
"It's not cancer..."
"Eat fiber..."
"The white rice in my stool (aka parasites) is probably just excess mucous..."
"You might have an ulcer..."

Yesterday, I was diagnosed with Glossodynia--otherwise known as Burning Mouth Syndrome. Research suggests it's a random thing.  Depression, Menopause, Viral Infections, Nerve Damage, poor dental health, GERD, thrush, nutritional deficiencies, allergies to household chemicals--all get the credit.

I'm tackling the GERD/allergy/nutritional/thrush angle.

• Sodium Lauryl Sulfate-free toothpaste
• Alpha-Lipoic Acid
• Upping the greens
• Continued gluten-free, sugar-free diet
• B-12

Testing with specialists is torture.

Me: I don't have an appetite.
Them: You're fat.
Me: I should be a bird for how little I eat.
Them (with a look of condemnation): Ka-theeee, it's simple mathematics...calories in/calories out.

My colonoscopy reveals melanosis (discoloration of the colon) making the conversations even more comical.

Them: Do you take laxatives?
Me:  No.
Them (in a condescending tone): Ka-theeeeee, melanosis is only found in people who abuse laxatives.
Me (at least in my head): Well, I don't know what to tell you, doc.  I'm not a liar and I'm hardly bulimic. Perhaps it's time to start upping the medical research.

The arrogance of the medical community is astounding.  I've never considered being a doctor. Now, I can't stop thinking about it.

On the bright side, my neck and shoulder pain's subsiding. I'm sleeping better. I feel less sickly. I'm getting better at comforting myself.

"They don't know the whole story..."
"They're trying to help..."
"They only speak of what they know..."
"You're not crazy..."

I try to remember.

Mostly, I'm learning...who I am, who I want to be, who I don't want to be, how to listen, how to treat people, how to trust myself.  Over and over and over and over again, I'm learning.

Day 377: At Least My Imagination's Healthy

Source

Take one large screen tv, add some gel, a little ultrasound thinga majickey, an overtired, borderline desperate Lyme patient...there is a recipe for disaster. I'm not too catastrophic about medical tests (more que sera sera), but, with every click of the computer keyboard today, I became more and more worried.

"What's that giant hole?" I think, looking at the 3-foot monitor.

When you've experienced enough testing, you learn: They only click to a) measure the size of an organ or b) capture an abnormal finding.

For 20+ plus minutes, we go through the routine.

Click. Pause. Click. Press. Click. Click. Click.

"Take a breath. Hold it."

Again and again and again and again.

"This is it. I'm dying. My body is trashed. Stupid Ivermectin."

Sixteen months of worry flood my brain...

What to tell Angel....
Thoughts of being rushed to the hospital...
How to finance a liver transplant...
How I'd rather be dead than suffer...

By the end, I am positive: major stuff is going on in my organs.

Vickie (the Sonographer) has other ideas.

"Looks the same as it did last time." (ie: polyp in my gall bladder, cyst in my liver)
"Really? By the way you were clicking, I thought I was dying."
"Not today."

:)

I'm so ridiculous.

Day 376: Miss Cleo's A Bust

 

Sooooooo, in a desperate attempt to cure my chronic thrushy, mcthrush and wormy mcworms, one of my doctors recommended I visit another doctor who is said to have great "intuition" when it comes to figuring out complex health problems.

"She's a miracle worker," I was told.
"Knew my patient had cancer before science could show it," they said.

Soooo, I made the appointment.

My actual 5-minute conversation, after driving for 30 minutes and waiting an hour.

Said psychic miracle worker (in her THICK Jamaican accent): What seem to be da problem?

Me: Well...I'm hoping you can tell me.

Her: You sick? You have tings going on with you?

Me: Well, I have Lyme, but...

Her (interrupting): Ufffft...Ya have Lyme???? Ya DONE. Tere's no helpin' dat.

Me: Well, I'm not really here for dat. I'm here about thrush and possible parasites. Testing and medications aren't helping and I heard you have a good sense about knowing what's going on with people when science can't figure it out.

Her: Not today. Not in ya case. In ya case, I've got no-tin. Ya got Fibromyalgia? Uffft...Ya DONE. Tere's no helpin' dat.

Me (laughing at the ridiculous of it all):  Well...I appreciate your honesty.

Her:  Ya get da colonoscopy?

Me: Yep.

Her: Ya get da stool test?

Me: Yep.

Her: Phhhh...I dunno know. Maybe Infectious Disease doctor? Lyme, parasites, Fibromyalgia... Ya get tose tings, Ya DONE. Tere's no helping dat

Me:  Well...at least you've heard of it.

ROFL. Call me now.  Do you believe I just paid (or insurance just paid) for dat??? Thank goodness I haven't lost my sense of humor.

Days 366-375: Dragon Rider

source

I was not dreaming. I was not awake. I was merely resting, staring at the purple lotus flower (whose insides look like a salt shaker), meditating.

"What do you need to heal?" I asked myself, breathing through the Acupuncture needle zinging in my left foot.

Images washed over me.

My bowels opening up. The waste turning into a dragon. The dragon rising out of the bowl into the air. Me climbing on to its back and flying away.

Tears flooded my eyes.

Then a whisper...

"Suck the sick out of your neck."

A phrase, ironically, I've said to my husband more than 637 times.

For days, I've been searching.

"Here...dragon, dragon, dragon."

She's silent.

I've also wrestled with sick.

...blood letting
...chiropractic
...physical therapy
...massage
...Cranial Sacral
...detox, pills, potions, saunas
...scans

IT won't budge.

Walking hurts. Eating hurts. Turning my neck to check my blind spot hurts.
Life hurts.

Better. Not well.

And well is where we're going.

Day 365: Starting Over

525,600 minutes.
525,000 moments so dear.
525,600 minutes.
How do you measure,
measure a year?
-Rent

If you've ever seen the musical Rent, you know the Seasons of Love song. With just a few simple words, it captures the struggle we all have: to experience joy and pain and treasure it all equally.

This past year has been like that.  365 days of inches, miles, laughter, and strife.

So many nights, I thought I was going to die.
So many blessings...created from misery.

There are no words to describe what it's like to cry out, night after night, drowning in the dark.
Or, how much you appreciate an "ordinary day," once it's escaped you.

I can't express it now, but I hope these 365  (or so) posts somehow did.

I'm grateful for that AND for you.

Thanks for listening.

 Here's to what's next.

Altered Today: Peace, Completion

Day 364: More Stuff You Don't Want To Know About My Bowel Movements

Ok. Technically, I should have posted this yesterday. Can you tell this day to day thing is getting harder and harder to keep up with?  I have this cat on my lap, a daisy growing out of my head, blah, blah, blah.

Ohhh...and I crapped a whole pile of worms--I am assuming from the sodium phosphate in my colonoscopy prep.

No wonder I'm feeling better (relatively speaking). As my friend Alyson says, I must "have those things lodged in my shoulder." Lol.

She's probably right.
Read more about the world of parasite infestation here.

According to The Light Party (whoever they are):

Sodium Phosphate (abbrev. Nat Phos.)...is "the remedy of choice for intestinal worms and other parasites."

SERIOUSLY...wish I would known THAT before taking horse meds and my last internet purchase.
Yes. That's sarcasm.

I've heard of the Salt C Protocal and the modified Salt C Protocol--both the positive and negatives: electrolyte imbalance, heart valve damage, blood pressure problems, etc.

Aaaargh...decisions, decisions.

Altered Today: Focus of treatment. GU stop. Parasite/Candida/Metal dump start.

PS Ah. Ha.  Look what the cat just drug in...

With a name like Worms-B-Gone, how could you go wrong???