You asked me what I want this year
And I try to make this kind and clear
Just a chance that maybe we'll find better days
'cause I don't need boxes wrapped in strings
And designer love and empty things
Just a chance that maybe we'll find better days
-Better Days, The Goo Goo Dolls
"Ok, God. You have 22-hours." That's what I'm thinking as sunrise approaches. I don't know if it's smart to give God deadlines or announce them via blog post, but he said "ask and ye shall receive." Last Christmas Eve, I did.
One-year later, I'm still waiting.
Granted, there's been progress. I am out of pajamas (better). I am able to walk around malls now and climb flights of stairs (yay). Angel's found meaning in his work (answered).
Still, babies, me working, renewal, and a comforting home seem miles away. What gets created from this will be interesting. Hopefully, it will resemble a needlepoint: confusing from below, a masterpiece from above.
I know this year marks a turning point in our lives; one we will someday regard with pride, determination, or humor (or perhaps a combo of all three). Still, as I look at this photo, I see two tired people...in fact, hundreds of tired people: friends, family members, doctors, patients, and caregivers...still searching for hope, pain-free days, productive lives, and a cure.
If you are one of them,
I pray that you find "love tonight
And somehow stop this endless fight
Just a chance that maybe we'll find better days."
Love you Kathy! Merry Christmas!
Posted by: Laina | 12/25/2011 at 03:08 AM
Thinking of you this holiday and every day. Thank you for sharing your thoughts, your journey, your hopes. You write for so many.
My wish for you: may you find peace just where you are and just as it is. May you discover the wellness inside your unwellness, a comforting home inside your heart, the multitude of gifts hidden inside your challenges, and may you see the reflection of your beauty in all that surrounds you.
Have a beautiful day! xoxo
Posted by: Jenny Rush | 12/25/2011 at 10:48 AM
Kathy, knowing that the desires of your heart will be yours! The words that you write and your selfless ways lighten the hearts of those fortunate enough to know you- My wish is that this lightness be returned to you tenfold. love you.
Posted by: Rhonda Nielsen | 12/25/2011 at 11:42 AM
When I was searching for a dx, my very supportive GP was unable to give me one. But, he kept telling me, " You have to keep searching. You have to keep fighting. You can't give up until you figure out why you are sick.". When I am tired of all this I keep reminding myself of what he said. Though we have never met in person, you hold a special place in my heart. On the days when your posts have shown that you have been struggling I have said a small prayer for you. "God, please help Kathy keep fighting. She has to, until she gets this figured out." Lyme has given me many gifts. New friends. And the ability to appreciate them.
Posted by: Lisa Hix | 12/25/2011 at 09:39 PM
love you.
It's a beautiful picture of you and Angel.
I hope you had cheer this Christmas.
Posted by: Saima | 01/13/2012 at 09:10 AM