Day 188: Return of the Green-Eyed Monster

A while back, I had an embarrassing revelation: I'm jealous.

I'm jealous of friends.
I'm jealous of enemies.
I'm jealous of rich people, tourists, movie stars, moms, people who can sleep, people who can work, people who eat bread, people who make bread, people with good veins, people with more treatable/recognizable illnesses, and practically anyone who gets through the day without parasites, pain, doctors, pills, IVs, crying, or dying.

It's an ugly feeling; one I want desperately to Hide...Ignore...Replace.
But I won't.

There's so much I want out of life...to ride an elephant....to publish a book...to kiss under the stars in Venice....to feel good again...to have a family...to make a difference.  I'm glad others have these things, but I want them too.  Does anybody else (sick or well) struggle with jealousy? How do you cope?

Altered Today:  Asking for support

Comments

[Saima]

I'm jealous of people who aren't afraid of saying what's on their mind. I'm jealous of perfect bodies. I'm jealous of homeowners. I'm jealous of people who make a lot of money. I'm jealous of people who can have coffee, sugar and spicy food without getting terrible tummy aches and acid reflux for the rest of the day/night. I'm jealous of people who don't have to order nothing but water after 6pm to avoid a tummy ache first thing in the morning, for that matter. I'm jealous of people who have clear and radiantly smooth complexion. I'm jealous of girls who have my dream wardrobe. I'm jealous of people who can relax even if their environments are prestinely clean (non neat-freaks). I cope by asking other people what they wish they had... sometimes it's kinda funny the things I resent are things people would dream for. Like for example, I often have a hard time finding pants that fit me right - because my waist to hip ratio is more drastic than many standard manufactured pants are made for. Some girls are really jealous of that while I just wish I could roll in to anthropologie, H&M or the gap and buy a pair of pants if I like them. Funny, ay?

[Alter Everything]

I'm jealous that you have so many cool things to be jealous of...KIDDING. It is nice, however, to hear other people feel that way. I don't know what's worse...being jealous or feeling bad about it. Oh wait...I forgot...It doesn't mean anything.

[Laina]

I have to agree with Saima on a few things. I'm also jealous of people who aren't afraid for speaking thier mind, perfect bodies (god knows mine is far from it), people who makes lots of money, have beautiful skin, a dream wardrobe. I'm also jealous of those with creativity flowing at will. I'm jealous of pretty much everyone, all the time. When I'm feeling like crap I am jealous of those who can walk around pain free (both physically and emotionally). That green mosnter is pretty nasty. Some days I don't cope, I just cry. Yesterday, for example, was one of those crying kind of days. I was utterly dissatisfied with everything in life. I want a house, and an unlimited decorating budget. I want to be able to find the supplies I need to do the things I want, at a price my husband can live with. Oh girl, I could go on whining about it for days. I think what I'm struggling with the most right now is being happy with what I have, and stop wishing for what I don't/can't have. Crap! I think I'm more screwed up than I thought.