Day 183: Seriously, Where's Ashton Kutcher?

If you've ever seen the TV show Punk'd, you've seen Ashton Kutcher in action.  An unsuspecting person shows up for a good deed, event, or date only to get surprised by some really strange/ annoying encounter that leaves them speechless/crying/laughing. THAT was my experience yesterday as I visited the "Psychologist."

I knew I was in trouble the minute I saw him walking up the sidewalk.

"Uh -oh," I said to my friend Melissa via phone.
"Uh-oh, what?" she asked.
"I think I see my therapist heading towards his office. If that's him, I'm in trouble. He looks more crunked up than I am," I said, noting the way he shuffled and was bent over like a pretzel.

Inside, the place was unremarkable...dehumidifier on the floor, a small oak desk, a grouping of folding chairs on the dirty tan carpet, and a small sitting room.  "I'll bet there's mold in here."  I thought, as I took in the surroundings.  Even before hitting the white leather couch, I was crying; due in part to filling out the required depression questionnaire.

I am experiencing pain...Check.
It's interfering with daily life...Check.
Can no longer do daily activities...Check.
Worried about my future.....Check.
I feel sad or sometimes cry uncontrollably...Check.

Two statements that stopped me in particular.
I feel good about myself....
I am able to take care of myself...
I skipped them to take a minute to think about it.  Then, I forgot to go back; something the therapist brought up right away as we entered the office/containment area.

Him (with no emotion): I see here you didn't respond to the statement about feeling good about yourself. Do you agree, somewhat agree, somewhat disagree, or disagree?
Me (with a raging migraine and starting to bawl): That depends. I mean, as a person. I am a good person. I feel good about that. As to where I am in life. I don't feel good about that.
Him (stone faced): So, agree, somewhat agree, somewhat disagree, or disagree?
Me (sobbing): Somewhat disagree.
Him (still stoic): And what about I am able to take care of myself?  Agree, somewhat agree, somewhat disagree, or disagree?
Me (now stammering and snotting I am crying so hard): S...S-Some..what Disagree.....

Which now starts me on a two-minute tirade about why I am there.  How for 10 11 months I've been trying to cope with pain and being sick. How I finally just got diagnosed with Lyme Disease. How I feel like I am losing my life, my mind, my friends, my money, my identity, my relationship.

He takes notes. Asks one or two questions about my prognosis/meds, etc. Then asks one clarifying question about friends.

"You mentioned friends. Are they pulling away from you or are you pulling away from them?"

For two more minutes, I blubber about how I have a few really good friends I stay in touch with, but mostly it's just hard to connect with people anymore. How some people have really disappointed me and disappeared. How others just don't understand.  How I feel like nobody listens.  "If one more person tells me I just need to have more faith in God or "raise my vibration" or practice the Law of Attraction, I swear, I'm going to kill somebody!!" I blurt out. 

For a second, he just looks at me, then closes my folder.

Him (in a weird speaking pattern that sounds vaguely familiar): I am g...(pause, pause..can't get the word out) g... going to be honest with you. I don't think talking is going to help you.  How open are you to other treatment options?
Me (Stuck on the fact that he interrupted me. Didn't I just say I needed somebody to listen): Pretty open...I guess. I mean. What kind of treatment are you talking about? 

He begins by telling me about Immersion Therapy .  How he knows of this woman who was afraid to go swimming and how the problem got corrected by her gradually being exposed to water over a short period of time...

"What does he want to do, put me in a room full of ticks?" I think in my head.

He then goes on to say how EFT helped her overcome her fears and how he uses the Cunningham Technique for all kinds of things...depression, pain, ALS, cancer, etc.

"Would you like to try it?" he asks.
"I guess." I say
"On what?" he says
"Well, I have a horrible headache," I say. "Can it fix that?"

Him (pleased as punch): Ok. Then close your eyes, tap your breast bone, and repeat after me.
I am able to heal, even if I don't believe I deserve to....
I am able to heal, even if I don't believe I deserve to....
I am able to heal, even if I don't believe I deserve to....

Then, for 2o minutes, he has me place my hand on my head moving it as the pain moves, while he taps my hand.

20 minutes later...

Him (excited): How's that?  Feeling better?
Me (struggling for something to say): Eeeer...well
Him: Don't try to please me. On a scale of 1-10, what was your pain level of your headache when you came in today?
Me: Eight or eight and a half.
Him: And, what is it now?
Me (really searching my soul): Mmmm...eight. Eight in a half. I mean it's different. I might feel a little calmer?
Him (seemingly happy with that): Great. That's just a taste of what EFT can do for you. Ready to schedule your next appointment?

 Skrreeech... (Sound of record scratching to a halt).

Now, before I go any further...I need to say a few things: 1) As a former Life Coach, I am familiar with EFT and actually think it, along with other things that disrupt emotional states (or target acupuncture meridians), can be quite helpful. It's just not what I came in for. 2) I also believe herbs can be valuable as a treatment option.  My doctor is a MD and a Naturopath.  3)Did he really not get that I needed to talk today?

Politely, I tell him I'll think about it.  He says, before I leave, he wants to tell me a story.

"Several years ago, I was bit by ticks...many, many ticks," he begins. "And, like you, I was concerned I had Lyme Disease...." He then goes on to tell me how he found an "Alternative" doctor, how she tested him for Lyme via some sort of hand scanning device, how he took herbs for 24 hours, and is healed. "So you see..." he says.  "There are lots of easy ways to fix this without antibiotics."

"Really," I say, as I pull out my checkbook.  While writing, I am instantly distracted as he yelps and grabs hold of his foot.

Me: Uhhh...What's the deal with your foot, Doc?
Him:  Ohh..It's Gout. I've had it for a few years.  It's the darnedest thing. It got this pimple on it once and I popped it. Do you know you are never supposed to pop a cyst? It sent poison throughout my whole body. Had to get an MRI. Infectious Disease Doctor told me he might have to amputate my foot or my leg. I just always seem to get these random cysts and foot pain.
Me: Uhhh...you do know Doc, that Gout and cysts can sometimes present as a symptom of Lyme Disease (not to mention word retrieval problems and muscular skeletal issues)?
Him: Yea, I've heard that (sounding skeptical).
Me (now cracking up from the complete irony of the situation): Yea...well I won't charge you for this, but you might wan-na get that checked out.

Tap. Tap. Tap.

Altered Today: Still laughing a day later, time with Lyme friend to get some actual talking done (thanks, Cindy...I owe you $85).

Comments

[Lynn Garcia]

Very funny, I a dark comedy kind of way ,, I am picturing him and laughing right now, you must have been like what the heck is he doing? Lol. Oh ok he is healed , crazy

[Laina]

I'm sorry things didn't quite go according to plan, but at least you got a good laugh over it! While I do, somewhat, agree with him, I think you might want to invest in a second opinion. Or, go the cheaper route and have a date with a Lyme friend. Here's hoping each day is better than the previous. Love you girl!

[Michele]

Oh my gosh, Kathy. That is pure insanity. He is obviously not empathetic and should probably get a new career.

For you, I completely understand the depression, despair, feeling isolated, no one understands (except for other lyme disease sufferers). You just needed to vent, share, talk. You needed someone who would listen to you. Really listen.

[Alter Everything]

Thanks, Laina. Yes. I don't discount some of what he said. Herbs CAN be great. Alternative ways to deal with depression ARE helpful (many Lyme friends use EFT at home and find it comforting). It was just completely surreal on my end. No sooner did I say I feel like nobody listens and I was tired of advice then he imposed the exact same thing. Then to hear his Lyme treatment bias on top of it...when he's clearly exhibiting neurological, muskularskelatol, and infectious symptoms (along with having a history). Too MUCH!!!

[Alter Everything]

Yes, Lynn. Johnny Darko.

Totally, Michele. It took a lot for me to call him and while I admire his commitment to not providing therapy not focused on allowing patients to wallow in their misery, I would have appreciated him keeping his bias out of the mix and just taking the time to listen.

[Pam]

Oh you poor girl. Their is NOTHING NOTHING NOTHING worse than seeking out a therapist and ending up with one who is in worse shape than we are.

Oh my gawd, you must've been thinking you were catapulted into the Twilight Zone.

I actually laughed out loud with the EFT thing. I've tried it. I've studied it. I have 15 DVD's that teach you how to do it. It helps somewhat with menstrual cramps and normal everyday stresses. Lyme? Erhlichia? Bartonella? Parasites? Not so much.

I also invested $2500 on a neuroliguistic programming course to attempt to retrain my brain into being normal again. for 3 months I spoke at 9-10 o'clock at night with a guy from Austrailia who was considered the world's greatest NLP practitioner.
Epic fail.
Major waste of time and money.

I am so frustrated for you. Such a shame we dig down so deep for help when we are so weak, and have to weed through a maze of bozos to find it.

[Alter Everything]

I've tried EFT too. Like you, I definitely thinks it's good for anxiety...possibly even pain (that just wasn't my experience this time). As I mentioned to him, if I going to spend money on that kind of stuff right now I would be probably doing Acupuncture again (helped me a lot. It's just expensive). I also know and use limited NLP in coaching (the power of the mind is not lost on me). But 24 hours to cure something eating away at my brain and organs (not to mention infections and viruses)....GIVE ME A BREAK!! Besides...I wasn't there for another protocol recommendation (especially from someone who doesn't even understand the difference between BB, Enrhilichia, and parasites). I was there to get some coping skills, to talk about creating a future, to get empowered, discuss my life options. Uugh...

[Melissa]

I'm so glad you wrote this! I still can't believe it. What are the odds???

[Alter Everything]

I don't think it would be AS funny...had we not had the conversation on the phone just before I went in. I swear, I can smell sickness a mile away now. A new gift...Lyme spotting superpower. LOL. Anyway, at least it was good for a smile.

[Robyn Barnes]

Craziness! Are you "attracting" Lyme sufferers now? I'm glad you at least found some humor in the situation.

Being heard is so valuable, isn't it? Even if the other person doesn't get exactly what you're going through, just to have someone hear how it's beyond difficult/depressing/discouraging for YOU makes a difference. Don't stop looking until you find the person, or people, who can give you what you need!

[MaxJerz]

I certainly applaud you for having the courage to pick up the phone and call his office in the first place. I hope you won't think that he's a good representation of all the mental health field. While there are a lot of great therapists/psychologists out there, there are a lot of bad ones, too. I hope (if it feels right to you) that you pick up the phone and try someone else.

[Alter Everything]

Thanks, Robyn and Max. Yes. I am slowly realizing just listening is the biggest gift you can give somebody. I know there are good therapists out there. I have a good friend in MN who's going to give me some tips about what to do when looking for a new one. I definitely won't be seeing anyone again without interviewing first. Thanks for reading and commenting. Just being able to talk about it and be heard really makes a difference. XOXOXO

[Jules]

I got a lot of of your story. I'm still thinking.... Jules