OK. I didn't really go to the beach today...at least not physically. I did go there mentally, however. I also pretended to be at a rock concert, on a ride at Disney, playing Ms. PacMan, in a tanning bed, floating on a raft, doing yoga, and in the bath.
Why all of the pretending??!?!?
Well...I would LOVE to tell you I found the secret to pain management; using visualization as a form of healing.
The truth? I was in an MRI machine, trying to avoid having a panic attack -- a new experience for me. I am typically a champ with medical testing. This, however, was a whole new ball game.
Now, if you've never had an MRI before, you may think "What's the big deal? You just lie on your back and they slide you into a big tube. Right?!?!?"
Yes. That's what I thought.
What I didn't realize is before they do that they enclose your head in this sort of plastic face mask/astronaut shield. THIS is where I had a teensy, weensy bit of a problem.
We started out fine. Ear plugs in. Head cupped with two styrofoam bricks. Neck wedged firmly in some kind of contraption to keep me from moving...kind of like a boom box packed in styrofoam.
The tricky part came when they locked that "sheild" over my face (mine was all plastic, not with bars like the one shown). Suddenly, I couldn't catch my breath. The room became very, very hot. Everything was spinning. I felt like I was going to pass out.
"You alright???" the tech asked....sensing my panic.
"No...take it off." I said. "Sorry, I'm feeling very claustrophobic."
For a second, I tried to steady myself.
"You could get out if you had to," the tech explained. "If you need anything at all, just squeeze this ball."
"Does THIS compartment thing, still have to go in there?" I asked, pointing to the chamber behind me.
"Yes," she said.
"Awwww...F*k!" I said, catching us both by surprise.
After a few deep breaths, I tried again; this time asking if they could put me in the tube so I could see what it felt like. To keep from throwing up, I breathed in and out while some guy talked and tried to calm me down through a periscope. It felt like I was looking through a view finder or through some strange rear view mirror. "See, you can see me through here." he waved through the peep hole. "Just start." I interrupted. I could hardly stand it. I felt like I was drowning.
To avoid panicking, I shut my eyes, breathed in through my nose and out through my mouth. Then, I started counting backwards by three's from one hundred. 100, 97, 94, 91, ... Then, I pictured myself at an Ani DiFranco concert. Then, I pictured myself lying in the sand, etc, etc.
The air was nice. They kept it circulating...which was a good thing. In between images, they reassured me and told me how much longer I had...which was thoughtful, but made it hard to pretend I was elsewhere.
After five minutes, I got the hang of it. I was even able to incorporate the noise and talking into my daydreams...which was a blessing. Thankfully, it only lasted 12.5 minutes.
All in all, I would not call it a fun experience. My head is pounding from the noise. Still, if it provides more pieces to the puzzle, it's worth it.
PS In case you are wondering, here's what it sounded like.
Altered Today: New tests, hopefully some kind of explanation for my speech/headache/walking problems
I'm so sorry Kathy. I pray it leads to answers!
Posted by: Melissa | 05/19/2011 at 10:25 PM
Bless your heart. Ugggg.
When I had mine ( three of them ), I got a washcloth over my eyes so I couldn't see. It helped me to not know I was closed in. then my sister was allowed to stand at my feet and rub them. That physical contact helped me know I wasn't all the way in and that help was right ther if I needed it. I would never be able to do this without the ear plugs, washcloth and somebody touching my feet.
LMAO at the demonstration of what it sounded like.
About a year ago, some nut got an MRI and neglected to tell anybody she was carrying a gun. She was a cop. The MRI machine sucked her right to the side and wouldn't let her go. They had to shut down the machine ( apparently they are never turned off because it damages the machine. You can't just turn them off and turn them back on ) and took several hours for a repair guy to come to the rescue. Cost about $400,000 to fix the machine.
Posted by: Pam | 05/19/2011 at 10:49 PM
yes I remember this experience all too well. I didn't go elsewhere. But I did keep reminding myself I would live through it. I kept telling myself it was just loud, that's all. There's just casing around my head but a lot of space on the other side of the casing.
You ARE a champ with medical testing. MRI's have got to be in the top 5 of most excruciating.
Posted by: Saima | 05/19/2011 at 11:05 PM
I've had my share of MRIs of my brain for my migraines - definitely not fun. My longest one was around 40 minutes and I was well into panic stage by the end of it!
Posted by: MaxJerz | 05/20/2011 at 02:26 PM
Never had an MRI...sounds scary and thinking about the tube makes me breathe a little funny. So glad you were able to find a way through it!
Having had two babies with no pain meds I can say that you could definitely get good at self-hypnosis with a little more practice. If you sensed/felt a difference in 5 minutes with no real training you could get really good at it with a more focused script. Then it may *actually* be a pain management tool for you! But it does take practice.
Posted by: Robyn Barnes | 05/20/2011 at 08:02 PM
:( claustrophobia isn't fun. While I haven't experienced it, I have experienced the MRI face-shield a couple of times. I did manage to sleep through the last one I had. It took over an hour, and in the last minute I twitched and they had to start from scratch again. Never noticed, and continued on with my impromptu nap. 1.5 hours later, I was gently woken up and sent on my merry way.
You're a trooper for sticking it out Kat.
Posted by: Kathryn | 05/23/2011 at 09:43 PM