Right now, I'm having an argument in my head: a fight between the "sick" me and "healthy" me. Healthy me saw a baby today...a delicious, Asian, smiling baby.
"You're going to get better," healthy me said. "You're going to get better by December 31st and, come January, you're going to make one of those."
Sick me had other thoughts. "Don't get your hopes up," she reminded. "Remember last October? Back then, you SWORE you'd be well by January. You can see how that turned out. Besides, Lyme Mommies don't make healthy babies."
So, here I sit...arguing for what's possible AND jaded by reality.
It's an odd dilemma. "Didn't I used to train people to see past their circumstances and create their futures?" I think. "What would I have told me?" I wonder.
My mind rattles off a list of coaching distinctions....looking for a place to come from that could possibly make a difference.
Being a contribution? Nope.
Being unstoppable? Definitely not.
Operating from an empowering context? Maybe.
Creating Teamwork? Possibly.
Bringing fun, play, and ease to the situation? Couldn't hurt, but not inspiring.
Being Authentic? Important.
Being expressed? Necessary.
Coming from nothing? Warmer.
Being with what's so? Ding. Ding. Ding. Ding.
That's the one. Being with what's so. Nothing added. Nothing taken away. Just being with what is. Gently, I try to uncollapse the truth in my life with the story I am telling myself about it.
- I’m 40
-I’ve been sick for a year
-I was trying to get pregnant when it happened
-I've been told I have Lyme Disease
-I used to have good days and bad
-Now, I mostly feel blah
-I haven’t worked since last October
-My body is unreliable
-I don’t know when I’ll be better
WHAT I’M MAKING IT MEAN:
-I can’t have a family
-I’m a failure as a wife
-I’ll never be healthy
-I have to fix this
-Time’s running out
-The best days of my life are behind me
-I'll never be happy
It's interesting, uncovering the things I'm thinking deep down. There's nothing to do with this right now...just breathe and be.
Altered Today: Perspective