I don't want to do this anymore.
That's the main thought going through my head today. Over the past couple of months, I've seen a Chiropractor, Acupunturist, Neurologist, Lyme Literate Medical Doctor, Rheumatologist, Neurosurgeon, Dermatologist, and Orthopedic surgeon.
I'm still hurting.
I have slipped discs in my neck.
Bone spurs in my cervical spine.
I'm shaking/convulsing uncontrollably in my sleep (sometimes when I'm awake).
My body burns and aches.
My left arm's losing strength.
My face has cystic acne.
My hip hurts.
I'm becoming numb (literally and figuratively).
And, yes, unless you're a Neurosurgeon trained to look for Ptosis, I LOOK totally normal.
On the outside, people see a girl...a disheveled, tired-looking girl, but one who can walk, talk, laugh, and function.
Behind the scenes, life looks like this...
EEG's show no signs of seizure.
Sleep studies, per my doctor, are "unremarkable," but show disrupted sleep cycles.
MRI's are troubling, but not worth surgery.
Nerve conduction tests show nerve damage, but no one quite understands why.
I am being referred to specialist after specialist after specialist.
No one seems to have the desire and/or skill set to help me.
I WANT to tell you life is moving.
I AM moving.
I AM getting better.
Mostly, it FEELS LIKE I am on the losing end of a Monopoly Game: surviving the board, losing my houses, and dreading my next roll of the dice.
To stay sane, I try to focus on other things.
Time with my hubby:
-Insert other things as pain and energy allow -HERE-
Sadly, I think I'm developing a strong case of Fukitol.
Too tired to fight...too sick to care.
Is there ever an end to this?
I'm beginning to wonder.