I don't even know how to begin this blog post so I'm just going to say it: I feel tremendous pressure to be positive.
After all, I live in one of the richest nations in the world.
I have copious amounts of food in the fridge.
I am not dying.
I can move.
Who am I to complain?
Oscar the Grouch?
The mother on Everybody Loves Raymond?
Nobody likes a complainer (including me). As a society, we much prefer heroism, bravery, and strength. Which leaves a dilemma...how to talk about the view when the view is less than desirable.
In an effort to tell the truth, without turning into Pinocchio, I just need to say this...I don't feel much like celebrating.
While nothing in particular is WRONG, what feels more authentic than being thankful is being real...even when talking about that reality isn't particularly inspiring.
The holidays can be a lot of things: Joyful, Nostalgic, Warm. For a sick person, they can also be challenging...foods you can't eat, distances you can't travel, stuff you no longer have the energy to do, noise, crowds, pain, and an overwhelming desire for normalcy.
I want pumpkin pie.
I want to play cards til 3 am without aches and exhaustion.
I want to sleep without crying.
I want to bake bread (and eat it).
I want to stop being poked/prodded/insulted by doctors.
I want my friends and family to be well.
I want my stiff shoulder, neck, and arm pain to disappear.
I want to be better.
I am not bitter about it. I just need to say it.
Not just for me, but for all of my sick friends--especially those who are struggling.
This time last November, I could have never imagined that one-year later I'd still be sick and suffering (Can you imagine, over a year of feeling terrible?? Or, like many of my friends, several years???? Totally crazy.).
I know, it could be worse.
I'm thankful, it's not.
THANK YOU for allowing me to say that...without eye rolling, fixing, judging, comparing, minimizing, or lecturing.
For that, I am truly grateful.
Happy Turkey Day.
Altered Today: LOL. Learned a lot and didn't die. Yes. Buddha would totally be proud.