Man, I'd give anything to sleep...ANYTHING to shut my eyes, feel tired, and drift peacefully for 8 or so hours. I feel like I am going crazy, like the bugs are winning, like worms are literally everywhere -- inside of me, crawling in my heart, eating up my bones, burrowing in my brain.
It is an awful, awful, awful feeling.
THIS is how people go insane. It's why talented folks like Sylvia Plath end up with their heads in ovens. I'm sure of it.
I've tried all of my usual tricks: melatonin, tv, computer time, switching beds, bathing, tapping, breathing, aromatherapy, Theanine. Nothing -- and I mean NO THING -- is helping. The anxiety and paranoia's unbearable. Who am I? A complainer? A loose cannon? A psycho on the internet?
Logically, I know. It's the Lyme. It's the die off. It's a herx (I mean how good can you feel when cysts are bursting in your brain?). Mentally, it doesn't feel that way. It feels like my world is crashing...like PMS, a really bad Lifetime movie, my dog died, my boyfriend cheated on me, horrible Scrabble letters, and my house is on fire all rolled into one.
Thursday's doctor's appointment, please get here soon.
Altered Today: Anxiety, Upping my Detox efforts