photo by twotoneatl via PhotoRee
It's official; I have a double chin. Not like that's news...I've been heavy for a while. But, for some reason, today, it's really bothering me.
"Do I have to feel like crap and look like crap too?" I cringed, when I saw one of my tea party photos.
My next three thoughts were just as disempowering:
"You have friends that can't even sit up and you're worried about your chin?"
"At least your body's working. Be glad it's supporting you."
"Really, with everything going on, you're gonna worry about how you look?"
....and on and on and on.
They are all some version of the same conversation: "I should be this, not that."
It's not a new thing; I've been "shoulding" on myself for years.
I should be more successful.
I should live somewhere else.
I should be more grateful for what I have.
And, most recently, I should be getting better faster. And, if not, I should at least be skinny...especially with my boring diet of nuts, beans, meat, veg, fruits, and cheese.
The problem with "shoulding?" It traps me in a world of something's wrong...with me, you, life, everything (and, you know, I shouldn't be wasting my time there).
So, today, rather than obsess about how I should or shouldn't be feeling or what I should or shouldn't be doing about it, I'm giving myself a gift: acceptance.
I have what I have. I don't have what I don't have. I am where I am. I'm not where I'm not.
Altered Today: Compassion, love for my humanity.