Art by Jennifer Yoswa
For over a week, I've been running on all cylinders. One day, I went out to eat (breakfast, lunch, and dinner). Another, I took a three hour car trip. Another, I saw a movie.
Over the course of 10 days, I:
- Drove to K-Mart, Michael's, and the Dollar Store ALONE
- Spent time with friends (Lyme or otherwise)
- Got my hair done
- Got a mani/pedi
- Folded laundry
- Visited family
- Cooked meals
- Filed insurance paperwork
- Had five doctors appointments
- Completed stuff I have literally been thinking about forever
From last Thursday (the 9th) to Saturday (the 18th), it's literally the best I've felt in nine months. The pain was less. The exhaustion was minimal. The grey fog that covered my head lifted. It was a beautiful thing.
Realistically, I knew it might not last; to have health after only a few weeks of treatment would be miraculous. Still, I was hopeful. "Maybe my viruses are clearing?" "Maybe I am the exception?" "Maybe the worst is over and this is my new normal?"
Slowly, my symptoms reminded me otherwise. By Friday, the ache in my ribs returned. By Saturday, pinching pain flooded my back. Yesterday, I was crying and reaching for pain pills. Today, I spent mostly in a hyper-anxious state: hands shaking, body unable to relax, arms/stomach twisting, and thoughts racing a mile a minute.
I know. It's part of the process. I know. I am supposed to feel worse before I feel better. I know. Cyclically, I am due for a bad week. I know. I'm probably herxing. I know. I know. I know.
Still, it doesn't make it any easier.
Altered Today: Paperwork, Possible Protocols, Testing, Herxes. I've never felt this shaky/anxious feeling before. Thank God I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow.