Have you ever wished someone understood what you're going through? I think it’s a human desire...not limited to illness. Mothers wish husbands would get what’s it’s like to stay home, run a house, and chase after two-year-olds. Employees wish bosses would do their job so they could understand inefficiencies. And sick people...well...we sometimes wish others could feel our pain... just to know what it is we're experiencing.
Although I wouldn't wish poor health on anybody, I would love for somebody to “try on” having Lyme Disease (or chronic illness) for a day and see what it’s like...going from doctor to doctor, having pain that seldom stops, constantly worrying about pills, food, sleep, money, energy, and the future. It makes me think of those pregnancy vests--you know, the kind designed to teach men what it’s like to be walking around with child? If I designed something to convey my experience, following are a few things I would include.
My Lyme Suit Infomercial
(insert cheesy Troy McClure announcer voice here)
Boy, this Lyme suit sure is complicated...we're talking NASA-like stuff here. It amplifies noise, increases smells by 200% (especially toxic ones), make you hot on the outside (but Vicks-VapoRub cold on the inside), squeezes your right knee mercilessly, and causes your left elbow to ache all of the time.
Special features include:
-built-in worm pinchers that constantly chew on your sides, back, arms, and heart
-strange glasses that cause your vision to blur, make you see floaty things, or magnify light until you feel nauseous and dizzy
-a vice-like head wrap that causes you do nothing but lay down and cry
-titanium rib belt that inhibits breathing, makes your bones hurt, and chest seize
-a 16-ton arm charm that disappears and reappears just when you're about to do something useful like fold laundry or crack an egg
-superbugs that no one can see, but you can feel
-microzappers that send stinging pain to your arms, feet, and hands
-misguided compass that makes you insist north is east and south is west
-memory debilitater that makes you forget things or mxi htings pu
Act now and you'll also receive unlimited doctor visits, insomnia, a no-variety diet, an empty bank account, a stiff neck, worms in your poop, unpredictable exhaustion, restless legs, that special hit by a mac truck feeling, baseball bat pain, ice pick hip, skeptical looks, a hit or miss ability to walk and talk, joint misery, plantar fasciitis, and, as a special gift, a pre-programmed CD that plays the following hits over and over and over and over: Lyme Disease...It's All In Your Head, You'd Get Better If Only You'd..., Well, At Least It Isn't _________, and my personal favorite Your Labs Are Fine.
Did I miss anything? What would your suit include?
Altered Today: Artistic/Creative Endeavors, Awareness, Fun with the Unfunny