Put anything under stress for any amount of time and stuff starts to crumble. Buildings, with weak structures, tilt and sway. Sidewalks split. Bridges collapse. Hearts stop. And anything...with any flaw...already present.... becomes magnified 100 fold....sometimes beyond repair.
It was a hard night. Pain crept into my heart, head, and marriage. This is not the life we planned. This is not the life we want. Yet, this is the life we have...filled with disease, fear, and uncertainty.
I am not sure if this is "fixable"-- if I am fixable -- if WE can do this. I know diamonds come from pressure, but so does dust. I just pray we don't disintegrate and end up as the latter.
As I move forward today, I am scared and filled with dread. Perhaps from pain or lack of sleep, but everything's raging: symptoms, sadness, self-doubt, and suffering. The elephant in the room is awake and she is stomping all over my sofa. Hopefully we can outrun the damage before it swallows us whole.
Altered Today: Reaching out for support, calling a counselor.