Today's a tough day. A 4-5 on the pain scale, I feel completely wore out and disheartened. Money's getting tighter, paperwork's piling up, and symptom-wise I'm at a stand still; not improving, not declining ...just steadily cycling--day in, day out, one by one--through 20+ symptoms (although today is delivering some of the more painful ones).
Last I checked, no hero was coming. I should be worried. Instead, I feel detached, like I am drowning...deep in some dark, murky water. The sun's above me. I can see it. It's just unreachable and very, very far away.
On my counter, a pile of credit card offers/blank checks...just in case. Melalueca--sent by a stranger--sits on the table. Lab results cover the floor.
Peeking out from the stack, a prescription to consult a neurologist; something I've been avoiding, but am now considering. To track it all, a new planner/medical journal.
Symptoms/medications are listed.
Activities are tracked.
Temperature is logged.
Pain/discomfort is rated from 1-10.
:) = Good Day (symptoms are low)
:/ = Ok Day (symptoms are tolerable)
:( = Bad Day (forget about it)
It's become that simple (and that complicated).
On a positive note, I am coping better. Yesterday, pain struck like lightning and I kept talking (a new skill). It's the exhaustion I can't take.
I'm not gonna lie, I'm struggling.
Altered Today: Sleep