TODAY, I'm worried about money.
With that in mind:
a) I'd better get better...quick
b) My husband needs to find/create something that covers both of our incomes
c) Unless we win the lottery or some other miracle occurs, we're in trouble
Although my worry meter hasn't shifted completely to high alert, I can see the writing on the wall.
Out of network doctors + $3,000 insurance deductible + hundreds/thousands in uncovered medicine/herbs/organic food
+ no work = bad news for our bank account and financial future.
Secretly, I weigh out the potential options:
-Get better or well enough to function
-Grin and bear it
-Move in with my mom
-Sell the house
-Take out a loan
Except for the first one, none of them sound good (sure hope this oil pulling thing's a winner...lol).
Regardless, I am now confronting, headfirst, one of my greatest fears--having to count on others.
Let me explain.
-In second grade, when I wanted extra money for pizza, I started a shell game with L'eggs' pantyhose containers and charged fellow students a quarter for the chance to win matchbox cars.
-When I was 12, I kept a jar of peanut butter and a list of stores that offered free food samples under my bed... just in case I wanted to run away from home.
Does that tell you anything about my personality?
I am resourceful. I am a survivor. I am an "8" (which in Enneagram speak means my Basic Desire is to protect myself, ie: be in control of my own life and destiny).
This doesn't mean I don't ask for support or request things from people. But it's calculated. It's risky. And I always have a back up plan in mind.
As a healthy person, being self-reliant is good--sometimes even admired.
As a sick person, being self-reliant is devasting--how can I possibly handle things when I feel so unpredictable?
As I continue along this journey, one thing I know for sure: It does no good to worry. So, I plan for the worst, but hope for the best...secretly hoarding pistachios and Vitamin D in my pocket.
Altered Today: Being Open to Miracles that are not of my making