Did you ever read your old boyfriend's Facebook wall or browse through a friend's photo feed in the middle of the night? Call it nostalgia. Call it crazy. But I shouldn't have done it. Now I'm singing the happily never after, everyone's life is better than mine, 4:00am, bitter, resentful blues.
One ex is a model citizen who attends church regularly, helps the homeless, and takes care of his beautiful wife and 5 children. Another old friend has a gorgeous house, has transformed into a supermodel, and is now pregnant with a baby. Other exes (friends or otherwise) have exciting jobs, thousands of friends, or are saving the world. Me? I'm just trying to get three hours of shut-eye, find two matching socks, get my Facebook followers up to 20, and make it 'til February 14th...which is my next scheduled doctor's appointment.
Now, don't get me wrong. I'm happy everyone is leading such a wonderful, super-terrific, amazingly powerful, creative, fulfilling life (insert little bits of sarcasm here). Still, being honest, I can't help but wonder. When will I be on top of the world again?
Seems like yesterday I would laugh when women I coached would say they were jealous of this or envious of that. I can't remember what brilliant advice I gave. I probably had them make them make a list of what they were thankful for or had them journal 20 reasons why they might be the object of someone's green-eyed affection.
So...in an effort to alter my crappy, non-productive, nasty, feeling sorry for myself, hate my life, negative-nelly frame of mind, I am taking my own counsel (When I am finished, I will let you know if I owe some people a refund).
20 REASONS YOU MIGHT WANT TO BE ME
by Kathy Tagudin
1) I have a very sweet, LOYAL husband who always supports me. He would never lie to me or intentionally hurt me. He even understands when I look up old boyfriends on Facebook ("Do you need to call them? he'll ask).
2) I have enough money in the bank that I can afford not to work and take care of my health.
3) Both of my parents are alive and kickin'. We have a great relationship and a lot of love.
4) I have a fantastic art studio that is a special space designated just for me.
6) I have plenty of food in the fridge and plenty of places to go if I run out.
8) I know at least five six people I can call right now if I need a ride to the airport or have an emergency (please don't make me name them).
9) I live in a country where I can worship freely.
10) I am very creative and can think fast on my feet. I am never at a loss for a good idea.
11) I've got no strings so I can wander freely...without vomit on my shirt or Cheerios in my hair.
12) Both of my cars are paid for, run, and are full of gas.
13) I am not living paycheck to paycheck.
14) I have medical insurance.
15) I graduated from college.
16) I can sing and write poetry.
17) I have very, very, very cute thumbs.
18) I have a great bedroom with a very comfortable mattress.
19) I am in Florida...not stuck in snowstorms.
20) I can laugh, smile, cry, talk, walk, run, breathe, eat, smell, see, hear, blink, love, hate, feel, think.
Ok. All better now. You?
Altered Today: Taking my own Advice, Gratitude, Poopy Attitude.